Tag: these scenes hurt so much already

adventuresofcomicbookgirl:

WAILS

THEY JUST HAD TO DO A SEQUEL

in simple terms, it might look like Haruka loves Michiru less, since she was willing to attack her when she was a vampire, and Michiru was clearly not willing to attack her in the same situation. Or, as Michiru seems to think, it means Haruka is more “strong” than she is. But I really don’t think it’s that simple. It’s just a difference in the way they relate to each other. 

It’s sort of similar to how Michiru held them both to this “I want us both to leave each other behind if it gets bad so one of us can survive to carry on the Mission” when she never planned to hold that up in her end and always planned to sacrifice herself for Haruka if it came down to it.  Haruka just naively believed her, but still freaked out and went after Michiru, and followed Michiru when Michiru died. 

Haruka has such a black and white viewpoint of things and refused to acknowledge her own selfishness. The difference is Michiru does acknowledge her own selfishness, that everything she does is not for The Mission. I think the difference between the two situations is that neither of them can stand seeing the other corrupted and will do anything to stop seeing that, but Haruka is less honest about that.

If Michiru’s become a vampire, she is suffering. She’s been corrupted, taken control of, and that is the absolute worse thing in Haruka’s eyes. She can’t be saved in Haruka’s impulsive, black and white world, Haruka can’t even think forward to this because seeing her like this is too painful. Moreover, Haruka sees it as Her Fault, because it has to be. So every second she sees Michiru like this is suffering and guilt and pain and Haruka just can’t stand it, it needs to end. She has to be the one to release Michiru to atone for past sins, the only way she can save Michiru is by fighting her because she is a soldier who fights, that’s all she is, and that’s why Michiru has suffered so much.

Michiru shouldn’t have to fight because she is beautiful and perfect and has smiles in her eyes. Haruka will end this for both of them, but first she’ll make a big guilt-trippy speech about how she is the worst girlfriend ever and i’m so sorry Michiru it must have been the worst for you to be with me and i failed you but It’s okay now. I don’t think Haruka expected to survive fighting Michiru, or at least not long after. She would have kept fighting until she joined Michiru, because that was what she deserved, that was the release waiting for both of them. But she had to fight Michiru because that’s what she does, it was the only thing she was ever suited for in her mind, and she certainly couldn’t stand to ever see Michiru in pain for a second. So she’ll do it, under the name of her duty and that she must be the one to bear the burden, because that’s the easiest way to frame it in her world. Haruka feels guilty and horrible seeing Michiru like this, feels horrible about herself and being the one to fight Michiru is how she punishes herself for what she thinks are her failings.

But Michiru is honest about her feelings and her selfishness to herself. She may see that as weakness, but it’s really the same thing Haruka feels. She cannot stand to see Haruka like this, nor can she stand to pass off the fight to someone else. So she’ll take the attack, she’ll end things for them here. And Haruka is a fighter after all, so let her fight till the end. Because Michiru can’t come up with the black-and-white justification of pretensions of duty that Haruka can. Michiru knows herself, she knows what she wants, and she’ll take the quickest shortcut to it. For Michiru, it’s different from Haruka. Yes, Haruka has become something she hates and her existence is now as a painful and meaningless puppet. But unlike Haruka, Michiru feels an existence where Haruka is alive, still fighting, is better than one where she’s not. Because if she’s honest with herself, she doesn’t want to see Haruka die. And she knows leaving Haruka like this is bad and Haruka wouldn’t want it, so accepting death is her way of punishing herself for that.

So basically, they’re both punishing themselves over what they see as their failings as partners, both trying to escape the pain of seeing the other in pain, but they go about it in different ways according to their personalities.