Michiru x Rei, for the meme!

BroTP to the moon and back. I think they’d actually have a prickly go of it sometimes, and that makes me really interested in their dynamic. I think post-series, they’d want to explore their connection more, because they have a profound respect and admiration for each other already, but they’d have a hard time getting in past the exteriors they both cultivate. Rei already feels like she’s lost her cool so much in front of Michiru, and I think Michiru has a fear she’d never acknowledge that if she lets her guard down around Rei, Rei will realize there’s nothing worth admiring in her. Rei would have to be the one to really pursue things, and to her credit, I think she would. She loves the Inners dearly, but she recognizes there are parts of her that Michiru might be able to understand that the others can’t. I see their class backgrounds as being similar, and while I think Rei’s relationship with her father and Michiru’s with her parents went wrong for different reasons, I think also that their feelings would be similar enough that they’d find solace in one another, even if they never directly talk about it.

Deep friendship would take a while for them, and it comes down to Rei having the courage to be vulnerable first. Rei has to show Michiru that she’s good enough to not play the same games as everyone else. And once that happens, I think she’s one of the few people in the world besides Haruka that Michiru’s ever truly open with.

Haruka x Michiru

I debated a sarcastic answer, but honestly, if there was an actual rule that you could actually only have one One True Pairing, Haruka and Michiru would be mine. They weren’t really the first girl/girl pairing I saw in a television show, but they were the first I got to see and form an opinion of on my own, so they’re very important to me. But besides that, their dynamic is amazing. There’s so much to explore with them. They’re such beautiful, deeply flawed people who love each other so much, and I will probably literally never get over that.

Mina x Rei

Mostly an OTP. I don’t really feel it in the anime, but any other canon and most fanworks, I love them together. And when it comes to PGSM, it’s the number one ship. I love thinking about what happens after the series, when Rei really gets to see Minako’s playful side. Because when Minako had her dress up as her unicorn mascot, Rei had no idea what was happening. She was too focused on senshi business. A few months after everything, though, she finds out that Minako had the camera men take pictures. Which naturally are now on Minako’s website for all her fans to see. The fallout, of course, would be glorious.

Haruka and Mina

BroTP, mostly because of your fics. There’s definitely a spark for it in canon, but I would have never thought about it or have gotten so invested in it. I was on the Haruka and Mako BroTP train before (and still am, to an extent, but I think Haruka and Mina would ultimately be closer). Now I’m basically set on Mina sort of being Haruka’s friend soul mate.

u say you’re all into progressive representation but then u talk about butch/femme H&M like it’s not heteronormative and stereotypical. Check yourself first.

docholligay:

clairevnderwoods:

OH MAN OH MANNNNNNNNNNNN WERE WE NOT ANTICIPATING THIS ONE LITERALLY HOURS AGO OH MAN THIS IS GOOD

OKAY

no.

butch LESBIANS are women. femme LESBIANS are women. their choice in gender expression does not invalidate their sexuality nor their gender nor turn them into what you see as somehow copying or mimicking heterosexual lifestyle. who says that masculine/feminine dynamic was created by and created only for heterosexuals? by calling such relationships heteronormative, you’re essentially listing heterosexuality as a default that we’ve begun to drift away from and seemingly back towards in different ways, when in actual fact sexuality is far, far wider than that. you’re telling queer women that they can’t choose to align themselves and label themselves, if they so wish, and act upon the actual inclinations they have towards different women. 

news flash, butch/femme was not created by heterosexuals. it was not created by, nor influenced by, oppressive institutions. you know who created butch/femme as a dynamic? lesbians and other queer women. if anything, such an idea is empowering, it’s a way to explore gender identity and subvert harmful stereotypes of what a woman is and should be (i mean, essentially here, you’re saying women shouldn’t wear pants and have short hair, what is this, the 50s?) and nobody in this community sits lesbians down at age sixteen and says “hey, look, now you gotta choose whether you’re butch or femme.” a lot of people identify as neither, both, something else entirely, some are really into the dynamic, some don’t connect with it at all and go through their lives without experiencing it, some femme women are only attracted to butch women, some butch women are only attracted to femme women, some femmes are attracted to femmes, some butches attracted to butches, some categorise themselves as either femme or butch but are attracted to people that are neither/both/whatever. i myself go from soft butch to femme over the course of the year. how do i fit into your heteronormative model? i don’t, because nobody does, because all the people i am talking about here are lesbian/queer women that choose to explore their identities in whichever way they see fit, as we all have every fucking right to.

even within power dynamics, many butch/femme couples subvert these so-called stereotypes yet again. there’s no rule that says a butch will be a dominant person and a femme will be a submissive person and this idea is frequently untrue. take harumichi for example. if we’re going to see haruka as the stereotypical “man” here, should we not be watching her save her helpless damsel in distress michiru from harm? should we not be seeing her as the more ruthless, powerful one within that dynamic? should she not be the sturdy, talented, coldhearted aggressive person?

but haruka tenoh is none of those things. michiru kaioh is. haruka is soft as shit – michiru is a terrifying force to be reckoned with. and you know what? haruka is sensitive, caring, morally upstanding, gentle – as much as she wants you to believe these things aren’t true (which is, i believe, largely as a protection for herself) it doesn’t change the fact that this is who she is. it was michiru that explained that, in actual fact, “haruka believes in sailor moon more than any of us.” she has a far more idealised, romantic view of things, she sees morality in terms of heroes and villains and she’s convinced herself she’s the latter and she does all this, has all this intricacy and character, whilst being butch. the reverse is true for michiru. she’s cold, calculating, tactical, if haruka wears her heart on her sleeve then michiru has buried hers beneath five layers of make-up, she can be cruel and she is ruthless and manipulative in getting what she wants. and she does all this. whilst being a femme lesbian. and dating a butch lesbian. amazing, right? it’s almost as if what you dress like doesn’t determine what you act like. it’s almost as if butch/femme characters can be well developed and well formed and interesting, whilst also being butch/femme.

and even if butch/femme does fall into dominant/submissive, as it may do, because everyone is different, it’s still not heteronormative. because that dynamic, this dynamic, does not in any way belong to heterosexuals. it is not a heterosexual dynamic because it is a dynamic that occurs between QUEER WOMEN.

finally, in terms of harumichi being stereotypical on a representation level, have you ever actually looked at the make up of lesbians on television? the vast, vast majority are femme and the vast vast majority of relationships portrayed are femme/femme. plucking a random article about bi/lesbian characters out of thin air, afterellen’s top 25 bisexual/lesbian characters of 2013 lists a grand total of 0 “butch” characters, with all of them being femme, femme-leaning or presenting themselves in a feminine manner (of course, im doing this purely on one image of each character and there were two candidates i found difficult to judge due to the styles of the show they’re in but, yeah, basically, even if you include them – it’s still 2 vs 23.)

so, if butch femme is stereotyped, where are all the butch lesbians on television? where are all the butch/femme relationships i’m supposed to be enjoying on my screen? off the top of my head, thinking of all the current f/f canon couples i enjoy, i can think of only three. one is a relationship featured in a single twenty minute episode of a tiny british tv series that probably won’t even get a second season. one is found in the backstory of an inmate in orange is the new black. and the other, the only solid, fully developed, intricate and honest depiction of a lesbian couple that are butch/femme, is harumichi. brittana? femme/femme. hollstein? femme/femme. cophine? femme/femme. pretty much every relationship on the l word? femme/femme. pretty little liars, lost girl, the fosters – all femme/femme. (i havent watched these so i can’t name but yeah). those bisexuals on the 100. both feminine. faking it – feminine. even within anime, the same rule still applies. yayoi/shion, the pmmm girls, ryumako, yumikuri, pretty much every character in every distinctly yuri anime there is out there. femme/femme.

you say you’re into progressive representation, but you’re reducing an entire dynamic created by and cultivated by queer women for queer women and reducing it to a mockery or false imitation of heterosexuality, as though hets own the terms masculine and feminine. in addition, this supposed “stereotype” – which is, by the way a popular dynamic that very much exists and is reflected in many real life couples – is nowhere to be found in television or media representation.

check yourself.

Goddamnit, I knew this was going to happen. Literally every time Megan talks about anything gay in Sailor Moon, I feel like some version of this comes up.

There is nothing reductive about butch/femme, and it has LITERALLY nothing to do with straight people. As a femme who is exclusively attracted to butch women, it has to do with a lot of things: The tension of difference, the transgressiveness of performing a masculine version of womanhood,  the fact that women look really fucking good in suits, etc. But one thing I have NEVER thought is “Gee, we need to replicate a straight couple as closely as possible.” 

Butch women deserve representation too, and they don’t get it. They deserve not to feel like the castaways of community culture. Admittedly, I have a higher stake in this, having a butch wife and a number of butch friends and hearing over and over again that they feel like the community doesn’t want them, the real world doesn’t want them, they exist in this liminal state where they are, to quote one of my friends, “too gay but not queer enough.” Read dating ads! Over and over again: “No butches/studs” 

So like, I don’t know, maybe allowing this interpretation of a 20 year old anime to fly amidst the MANY MANY femme/femme pairings in the world, would be okay. 

I intended to write something fluffy and Outers Family-Oriented for Michiru’s birthday, but somehow I ended up writing this instead.

We Could Pretend

1219 Words

On Michiru’s birthday, Haruka makes a suggestion Michiru knows she should refuse.

Set during or a little before S. Not a particularly happy fic.

Read on AO3 here or under the cut.

Sunlight streamed through the curtains as she opened her eyes. She lie still for a long while, feeling the bruises still forming from the battle the night before.

There was a knock on her door.  “Michiru? Are you awake?”

“Yes, what’s wrong?” She sat up quickly. “Do you sense a Daimon?” She didn’t feel anything, but maybe sleep was clinging to her mind and keeping her from noticing what Haruka sensed. That was why they’d decided to live together, anyway. Easier to keep constant vigilance.

“No, no, don’t worry. Nothing’s happening. Er, nothing bad.” She heard Haruka shuffle her feet against the carpet. “Do you want to come out?”

“One moment.”

She made her bed and padded out to the living room. Haruka stood fidgety paper banner that read “Happy Birthday, Michiru” in big sloppy letters. Haruka’s marker had clearly started to die by the time she’d gotten to the “iru.” A large vase of roses sat next to a modest gift bag on the coffee table.

“It’s, uh, it’s not much, but—“

“Oh, you shouldn’t have done anything.”

“What just because we’re going to… just because of what we are, we can’t have birthdays?” Haruka’s tone started off joking but ended in a real question. Her smile faltered. The sadness in her eyes hurt worse than any Daimon punch.

“No, I only meant… I don’t really celebrate my birthday. And we didn’t do anything for yours. I didn’t, I mean.”

Haruka laughed. “That doesn’t matter. And I already got you something, so you can celebrate it at least this once, right?”

“I suppose,” she said, as if she could ever really say no. Haruka was still easily disappointed, she still knew how to be happy. Michiru was robbing her of that piece by piece, with every battle and every assurance that they would kill whoever they needed to, but she refused to take another piece now.

They sat together on the couch, a little closer than they should have been; Michiru feeling obligated no to move away and Haruka, perhaps, feeling like closeness was another gift Michiru wanted. Michiru longed to regain plausible deniability on that. Every time Haruka did something to oblige her feelings, she cursed herself for confessing. She’d known better. She’d always known better.

“Like I said,” Haruka started, setting the gift bag between them, “It’s not much, but I did my best.”

Michiru pulled apart the tissue paper slowly, ready to fake delight. She’d rarely gotten real gifts over the past several years, but none of them had particularly pleased her. Expensive brushes, a new violin, whatever else her parents bought all were very nice, very useful, but very predictable. Haruka hadn’t gotten her anything like that, but she still expected the worst. She felt almost validated when she unearthed a slender box that surely contained jewelry. A cold gift, and hardly a thoughtful one.

But then she opened it.

It was a silver bracelet, a little clunky and a little gaudy, with four charms clipped on—a seashell, a paintbrush, a music note, and a horse. Michiru stared down at it for a long moment.

“I know it’s not really your style, but you have everything and I… I tried to make it something special.” Haruka’s checks flushed red.

Michiru should have assured her she loved it, she should have immediately plastered a smile on her face like she was trained to do. But she stared for another moment and then asked, “Why the horse?”

Haruka cleared her throat and fixed her eyes somewhere over Michiru’s head. “Well, I heard this story, that Poseidon, ruler of the sea, created horses, and so that’s very you. But horses also race, so.” She let her eyes meet Michiru’s for a split second. “So.”

Michiru felt her chest crest over itself and crash down into her stomach. “Will you put it on me?”

Haruka’s unsteady fingers fidgeted with the clasp for longer than it would have taken Michiru to put it on with one hand. But Michiru didn’t comment. “I forgot to say thank you.”

Haruka looked up at her through her bangs. She dropped one end of the bracelet. “Do you like it?”

“Yes.”

Haruka got the loops to hook together, but she kept looking down. “Michiru?”

“Hm?”

“I know…” She cleared her throat. Her voice stayed rough anyway. “I know we can’t, and I know we don’t deserve anything, with what we’re going to do. But maybe… It’s your birthday. One day.” She traced Michiru’s skin around the bracelet with her finger. “We could pretend.”

“Haruka…” You deserve everything. I’m the one who dragged you into this, I’m the one… But Haruka looked up just then, still so open, still absolutely raw. If Michiru had been a better person, she would have endured hurting Haruka now to save her later. She would have thought about what would happen come tomorrow, how much more it would hurt Haruka, how much more it would chip away at her, how much harder, too, it would be if she needed to abandon Neptune to pain or death to complete their mission.

But Michiru hadn’t been a good enough person to keep Haruka from being a senshi.

And she wasn’t good enough to say no to her now.

Michiru kissed Haruka, both of them soft and hesitant. Haruka laced the fingers of one hand with hers, and put the other on the back of her neck, thumb brushing into her hair. For the first time in years, Michiru felt a real urge to cry.

She broke away and pressed her face into Haruka’s shoulder. She wouldn’t cry, Michiru Kaioh did not cry. And how would Haruka feel, if kissing her made her cry? She shut her eyes tight against the tears and breathed in deep breaths tinged with Haruka’s cologne.

“Are you okay?”

“You…” Michiru stopped. The truth would unravel everything. You’re amazing, and I love you. I will do everything I can to keep the blood on my hands, not yours. But she couldn’t promise anything, and Haruka had to be prepared. Hope was the worst thing she could give her. “You’re my first kiss.” A different truth, easier than a lie.

“Oh. You’re mine, too.” Haruka’s hand moved further into her hair and rubbed gently against the base of her skull. Michiru had had a nanny who did that when she was very young to put her to sleep. “Was I very bad?”

“No. Quite the opposite.” Michiru felt herself smile before she recognized there was a part of her that was happy. She closed her eyes again and let herself pretend that was all there was. Haruka rested her head on top of hers. Michiru hoped she was pretending, too. “We could go somewhere for breakfast.”

“And then we could walk through the park. Like a real date.”

“Something like that,” Michiru said, and already she saw it falling apart.

—-

She slipped the bracelet into her jewelry box before she went to bed, and in the morning she saw Haruka’s eyes fall on her naked wrist. “I have a premonition there will be a Daimon attack today,” Michiru said without a good morning. She fixed her eyes on the ground. She couldn’t watch as she broke Haruka that little bit more. “Today might be the day.”