docholligay replied to your post “I feel like, realistically, Setsuna, Haruka, and Michiru (the later of…”
These are some of MULTIPLE problems I have with HOF
THIS BECAME A LONG RANT WHOOPS
If I think about it too long I come to the conclusion that
it would WRECK Haruka in particular (Setsuna is Setsuna, I think she’d quietly
internalize it and it would be hard to see any difference, and Michiru can
compartmentalize, distance herself, and also I think she’d be the one who ends
up doing best by Hotaru, in that she asks for the least FROM Hotaru).
But like, let’s be generous and say Haruka is about 18 when
they get Hotaru. She’s still SO YOUNG, and while that works for some people, it
does not work for Haruka. We’re shown so much self-loathing on Haruka’s part,
and she hasn’t grown enough to be able to set it aside. She needs validation,
constantly. THIS IS THE WOMAN WHO HATES SEIYA (who comes in after Hotaru)
LARGELY BECAUSE SHE IS INSECURE AND AFRAID THAT SEIYA COULD TAKE EVERYTHING
(mostly Michiru, but also her place with all the other girls, because if you
don’t think Haruka feels she’s only interesting and attractive because she’s
butch and maybe the only butch the girls know you are w r o n g).
So you have Haruka NEEDING Hotaru to love her, because a
baby’s love is pure and good and if a baby loves her, she maybe has a chance at
being pure and good or at least WORTH something (even with Michiru, she has a
hard time feeling worth anything, because Michiru is rich and because Haruka
sees herself as replaceable, Michiru could love anyone who’d been in the same
circumstances). And I think while Hotaru is a real baby, it seems to be working
out great. Hotaru smiles at Haruka’s fun faces, she likes to be held to Haruka’s
chest, she falls asleep holding Haruka’s finger. But Hotaru isn’t a baby for
long, and Haruka can’t adjust, as much as she tries. The older Hotaru gets, the
harder time Haruka has. She tries desperately to connect with activities she
sees as wholesome—playing catch, cooking together, piggyback rides—but Hotaru
is perceptive, and as she sees it’s not for her benefit, she turns it down
every time.
And once she remembers her original life, her original
family (regardless of if this is anime canon where she’s stolen or not) she
outright hates Haruka in particular. She hates all of them, but Setsuna has a
weird relationship with humanity and so Hotaru hates her the same way she hates
the situation as a whole, as something awful but not quite unnecessary, and
Michiru is harder for Hotaru to deal with because it’s both that she’s part of
this messed up situation and shouldn’t be in Hotaru’s life at all, and that she
doesn’t love Hotaru enough (Hotaru would never want to admit it, but I imagine
she craves Michiru’s affection and approval). Haruka is uncomplicated to her.
Hotaru knows exactly what Haruka wanted from her, and has no problem telling
her so. She has no problem being angry, asking why Haruka couldn’t be less
self-absorbed, be more attentive to who Hotaru really is, why she had to be in
Hotaru’s life at all.
And that destroys Haruka. Not necessarily beyond recovery,
but the cycle of hating herself would go on much longer than it otherwise
would. (And this is Haruka, she might do really stupid shit as a result, I don’t
know if I have the guts to write it, but her breaking things off with Michiru
because of the spirals this would cause would be like, a good fic and something
I see as likely.)
SittingOverHereDreaming 