I get very frustrated about job stuff, and in particular I get frustrated about the combined job stuff of me and my wife. We’re at very different stages with very different attitudes, and my wife’s health situation makes it hard to navigate.

I’ve gotten to a place where day to day, I’m handling my job really well. I’ve started to kind of make friends and walking everyday before work has gotten me into a routine that really, really works for my mood and general well being. My productivity has shot up from it too, I’m writing more than I have for a while.

It makes it tempting to stay with my job, but there’s a lot of company stuff that has me worried. I don’t know that they’ll hire me on after my temp assignment is up at the end of June, or if (ideally) they’ll extend it again. If I’m hired on, I have to sign a year-long contract, and it makes me nervous to not be able to leave. There’s also a lot of unease in the company, it looses and wins contracts sometimes unexpectedly and so employment is always in flux, and that’s aside from the fact that they’re trying to develop programs to eliminate the jobs at my level (they are very, very bad at it). And the culture around overtime is not for me, I’m in a place of privilege where I want to work 40 hours and then enjoy what I’ve worked for. ALSO MY SHIFT SUCKS AND I KNOW THEY WON’T LET ME CHANGE IT. (I get out of work at 7pm, which is when most every show/class/activity/etc I ever want to do starts, except for the ones that start at 6:30).

But I’m not finding anything else, I keep getting so far with other positions and then hitting a wall, whether it’s that the position was misadvertised and is part time, or they contact me and when I follow up I never hear from them again, or because I’m not available the very next day, which is the only time they will do any interviews (that one is a longer story that made me want to scream). (I got one rejection that made me happy, I applied at a library and they MAILED me a hand-signed note, it was so quaint I’d absolutely apply there again.)

I’ve thought about going back to school, probably for teaching (IMAGINE ME AS A QUIRKY HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH TEACHER) or for tech (mostly because dear god I know more than half the IT team at work), but it would be so hard to work out, because I can’t stop working full time. And I think I would have a hard time with the work/school/life balance, mostly in the Life area. Not to mention costs and trying to get scholarships and everything.

So, I don’t know, i guess this is a long winded way to say I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN WITH MY WORK LIFE. I know I’m largely in a good situation, but, it’s hard. IDK.