Verified Gay
Tag: personal
Got a text from my boss like, if you buy robes for the HP thing tomorrow we’ll expense the cost
and like, a) expensing a costume is frivolous and b) IT WOULD BE SO HOT I MAY LITERALLY DIE. I NEARLY DIE IN JUST A BUTTON DOWN RIGHT NOW.
HARD WORK MAKES ME FEEL SO FULFILLED
I’m gonna vent for a sec, sorry
I’m feeling some complicated feelings because I didn’t eat enough yesterday (hence why running was hard today), sometimes that happens when people talk about counting calories because it makes me feel bad/wrong that I don’t do it anymore, which is bullshit, but sometimes it’s so easy to slip back because I still know so much, I memorized so many counts, someone asks how a pbj is 580 calories and I KNOW how, I can rattle off the components and then I look at my sandwich and sugar bomb of a drink and it’s like UM
And then it is, of course, who else but the girl, so there’s the weird combo of the kinship that comes from knowing someone else goes through this shit, and the protectiveness that I feel over anyone I like even in a friend capacity, and extra helping of concern because I’m THAT person when I have romantic feelings, AND a little bit of HOLY SHIT MAYBE IT’S GOOD WE’RE NOT DATING BECAUSE I’D SWING TOWARDS NO EATING WHENEVER SHE USES THIS DUMB COUNTING APP IN FRONT OF ME
and really I just have to continue working on this, I know I’ve come a long way, but it’s just weird and complicated to deal with
why do people think it’s cool to tell bookstores they’re gonna buy on amazon. if you’re in a bookstore or on a bookstore’s social media page, you can keep it to yourself.
I felt like I had so much creative energy today. I was gonna be productive. But here I am at almost 10PM and all I have is 49 words and a weird p*rn doodle.
paksenarrion-reader replied to your post “[[MOR] rrrr. i’m annoyed at myself for still trying to impress her…”
been there, it sucks, hugging you
Thanks Reader ❤ It isn’t so bad, it’s mostly just me @ myself like “YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T DO THIS,” though I should give myself some leniency time since I was expecting an answer with less up for interpretation. (I also can’t really blame her for being vague, because I was hardly direct.)BUT ON A BRIGHTER NOTE, this is a cool opportunity because it’s my first time really exploring my attraction to women? I am PAINFULLY monogamous in that usually if I have a crush, I don’t even think about other women (and okay the guilt complex played into that tons, it was easier to accept being attracted to a girl if I knew her and really liked her because that felt less gros). But now I’m having fun noticing attractive women everywhere and hopefully I’ll make it out to a lesbian bar again soon and see what can happen there and also I’m thinking of seeing if the girl I’ve been chatting with a little on Tinder might want to grab coffee, and it’s so cool to be open to these things!
rrrr. i’m annoyed at myself for still trying to impress her
also annoyed that it worked
I mean I didn’t dress FOR her but as soon as I realized I looked good I hoped she’d notice and she DID and commented and it’s dumb because I don’t even like, ~want to change her mind~ it’s just 50% being REALLY HAPPY with any sort of attention from her and 50% trying to get a real read on what she actually meant (even though compliments are a TERRIBLE thing to try and read from) (my secret hope is that she’ll CLARIFY, just like “hey i realize i made it sound kind of open last time, but I meant i def just want to be your friend” or something. trying my best not to entertain thoughts about the flip possibility, though it isn’t quite working)
Sometimes I forget that butch isn’t a term a lot of people are used to using casually
But I self-described as such to my coworker today and he only laughed because I was suggesting it as the way to distinguish me to managers who always mix up names and the idea of telling the boss “no no the butch lesbian” is honestly p funny
One of the sadder things I’ve noticed lately is that when customers ask for things a little girl might like, if I suggest anything based on what I liked as a kid that isn’t overtly feminine, they get a certain look on their face and ignore what I say and it always kind of feels like they don’t want their little girl to turn out like me
SittingOverHereDreaming 