I Exist– Some thoughts on Scraps of Representation

There is a joke among some of my friends that I don’t engage
with media unless it has wlw in it. (I used to be able to joke back that I got
into How to Get Away With Murder just
fine, but then that show decided it loved me very much and can no longer be
used as a counterpoint.) The point being, I demand representation pretty
rigorously. I spent too long without it. I will not settle for erasure or
scraps.

Except right now I’m reconsidering the scraps bit.

Recently, Diane Duane released Games Wizards Play, the tenth book in the Young Wizards series, which I have been following for about half my
life. Now, YA fantasy is hardly a kind genre to people like me. You may be
scrambling to say no, Malinda Lo’s books, no, this one book—but they are
exceptions. You have to seek them out. As a teen, I didn’t know what I was, I
didn’t want to be anything but a
totally normal straight girl. I didn’t know what to look for, wouldn’t have
looked for it if I did.

Back to Young Wizards—it’s
an incredibly important series to me. One of those things that came into my
life at exactly the right time, with concepts and themes that settled into my
heart and stayed there.

And Games Wizards Play
threw me some scraps. I rolled my eyes a little bit at the minor gay character,
because I am a Connoisseur of Gay Representation, please, this is almost quite
literally nothing. But then.

Oh, but then.

Page 528, US edition:

“Nope, I’m ace,” she said. Nita
blinked.

Asexual,” Lissa said.

Cue the water works. Seriously. I was sobbing with joy over
this minor character who got introduced ten books in. I can demand real
representation for gay people, for wlw, because I have seen it before, I know
it can be done. I have never, in my life, seen the word asexual casually used
in a real, published, non-queer lit book. This minor character suddenly meant
the world. This small, throwaway scene, ran me straight through the heart. I am
real, I exist, I am right here on this
page
.

I am actually tearing up about it again.

It means so much to me now, when I am 22 and well-versed in
all the labels I can use to define myself. If I had seen this at 11, 12, 16,
when I had not yet found the words but knew I was not what people said I should
be? It would have been world changing.

It makes me look differently at the minor gay character.
When I had nothing, he would have been something.

LGBTQIAAP main characters are incredibly important, and we
should keep demanding them. I don’t think we always have to be grateful for
scraps. But I think it’s important to not discount them. I think it’s important
to remember how we would have reacted to them before we knew everything we know
now. A minor character might be the only light in the dark for a kid who doesn’t
know what they are yet. And it’s incredibly frustrating that there are so many
instances when we don’t even get those. There are so many series that I loved
that gave no hint to my existence. Young
Wizards
may not have given me much, I wouldn’t even really call what it did
representation, but it told me I exist, it’s telling some kid who just found it
at the library they exist, and that’s not nothing. It’s a huge incredible
something.

It takes one line. One word.
There is no excuse to not throw one word to the people who need it. We can talk
all day about good representation and what that constitutes, but in the
meantime, just one word is going to make a difference. We need to know we
exist. And when we’re children, or teens, we need to know there’s a way to
exist when the way we’ve been taught feels wrong.

Everything makes a difference.

And that difference might mean everything.

i am overwhelmed in like five different directions

  • Just seeing someone be ace, seeing it said, the word in print, for real, hit me hard
  • I’d forgotten a lot of my particular identification with Dairine, that THIS book came when I needed to remember is incredible
  • HE’S BACK ROSHAUN IS BACK AND WHAT A WAY TO COME
  • the payoff is incredible as far as writing goes, but as far as something I’ve waited nearly half my life for, it’s hard to process (in a good way)
  • ROSHAUN
  • IS
  • ALIVE
  • AND
  • GIVING
  • DAIRINE
  • SHIT
  • i am still crying

jenesaispourquoi:

Tom sat slumped at his desk, staring bleakly at his computer screen. Five and a half pages of what was supposed to be an eight page paper stared reproachfully back at him. An hour ago, five and a quarter pages had felt like an accomplishment. He ran his fingers through his too-long hair and made a noise of frustration. It would be a violation of my Oath to make the professor forget tomorrow’s deadline, he told himself sternly. …Today’s deadline, he amended, glancing at the clock, which is in three and a half hours. That’s…a page every hour, plus an extra forty-five minutes for citations and printing. He laid his forehead on the desk in defeat. Or three and a half hours to question my existence.

 I hate finals.

“You and me both,” came a familiar voice, and Tom nearly upended his laptop in shock.

“Carl! I thought you weren’t going to—?”

“Change of plans.”

“But—”

“And by change of plans, I mean the sudden realization that messing with timeslides is decidedly not studying or working on any of the assignments I have due.” He flopped down on his bed and glared at the ceiling. “Even though I’d much rather go on errantry.”

Tom pushed away from his desk and swiveled to face his roommate, glad for the distraction. “Don’t let anyOne hear you say that,” he teased. “Haven’t we had that issue before?”

“I don’t care. In fact,” Carl rolled onto his side and grinned. “I’D MUCH RATHER GO ON ERRANTRY.” Silence, then—

“Shut the fuck up!” came a muffled voice from the other side of the wall. Tom burst out laughing, and even Carl chuckled.

“I suppose that’s our answer,” gasped Tom when he could breathe again. “Can’t use the Work to avoid the work.” He sighed, turning to face his desk again. “I need about a week between now and three hours from now.”

“Me, too.” Carl developed a thoughtful look. “Actually…”

Something in his tone made Tom look at him sharply. “You’re not going to suggest anything that will get us in trouble, are you?”

“No! Well, not technically. But think of what I’ve been working with for the past few months.” Silence, during which Tom definitely did not gape at Carl like he was the One Itself.

“Where do you want to spend the next week? More importantly, when would you like to spend the next week?” (from snowflurriedsky​ (aka littleskywatcher)

verdigrisvagabond:

So I was having a not great evening and Bonesey was talking to me and asking me about yw/dw headcanons and Dairine and Nine and I just

Dari post-DW feeling left out and annoyed that there’s this magnificent thing that her sister can do that she can’t (Because that’s completely contrary to how she’s lived her life thus far and Not Knowing is NOT OKAY) and she meets this man with a blue box who offers to take her through time and space.

Dari accepting because she wants to make a difference too, and maybe they can make a difference together. Because they’re just an 11-year old girl in an Admiral Ackbar shirt and an man with short hair and a leather jacket who’s kinda like her uncle. They’re snarky and sassy and innovative and traipsing through the universe with matching expressions of wonder, using what technology they have to help people.

Dari getting more familiar with the TARDIS than any other companion has, purely because it’s a computer. do you really expect her to keep her hands off it? (No. He doesn’t.)

Dari saving a whole moon once, almost by herself, and the Doctor being so proud of her for practically spitting in the face of fear and fixing things in a way that even he hadn’t considered.

Dari after that sitting on her roof and waving goodbye to the TARDIS on a Sunday night (her Doctor will uproot her from anything except her education because education is important, dammit) and deciding that yes, this is a life I want and deciding that as soon as he’ll let her she’ll join him for good because he’s her uncle and they save people and that’s enough, right?

And then Dari getting offered the Oath.

Dari doing her Ordeal on her own, and oh, this is the power Neets has. This is fantastic! think of what I could do with this! but still making it through because of certain tips and tricks that he taught her.

Dari waiting for the doctor to come back and him asking “Where to?” and her giving him and incredibly specific set of coordinates because “I wanna show you something.”

And the Doctor’s seen and met wizards before of course, but he tends to stay out of their way. Too many cooks in the kitchen, you see. He does his good with his box and his screwdriver. He does good where he can. And they do good everywhere else. There’s really just no reason for him to jump in when there’s already a wizard on the job. And vis versa. So, of course, he knows what they do and how they do it.

But Dari’s always been in a class of her own.

So she introduces him to the mobiles and he’s in awe.

“You made them?”

“Yeah. They’re pretty great, huh?”

“They’re fantastic.”

Then Dari asks where they’re gonna go next, and the Doctor replies, “Nowhere. I’m taking you home, and then you’re going to have lots of adventures without me.”

"Why?” she asks, hurt, “Don’t you need a companion?”

“Well, yes,” he replies, sadly, “But you don’t need me.”

They meet often, though, in the early years of Dari’s wizarding career, because she’s so bright and so brilliant and he just can’t stay away. Rose mocks, him, sometimes. “Lookit you, all beaming an’ proud.” she says, with a bit of jealousy. “Is she your daughter?” “Niece,” he always corrects.

Then, as she gets older they meet less often, but he always makes sure to visit her once every regeneration, so that if she ever goes looking for him, she’d recognize him. She always does, though, before he even introduces himself. He’s her Doctor, after all.

Then, millenia later, the Doctor finally dies. His last companion takes the TARDIS to the mobile homeworld. There, they meet Dari, who has been living as quicklife for a long, long time. Her memory is as long as her life. “Where is he?” she asks. “Where’s the Doctor?”

“He’s gone,” The last companion replies. “But he left you this.”

And so a new tale begins, of a being who travels through the universe, making a difference, building things, saving civilizations, righting wrongs. 

The Tale of the TARDIS and her Wizard.