IN HIGH DEMAND I SEE, AND VERY HARD. I think Haruka would have a hard time naming a single happiest family memory, especially as she gets older, but I went for a small one that would stick in the deepest part of her heart.
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Haruka had a photo of the day she was born.
Her mother looked terrified.
Her mother looked relieved.
Her mother looked overwhelmed.
Her mother looked like holding her baby was the scariest thing in the world.
Haruka had a photo of the day her first daughter was born.
Haruka looked terrified.
Haruka looked relieved.
Haruka looked overwhelmed.
Haruka looked like holding her baby was the scariest thing in the world.
She kept them together in her bedside table– her secret reminder of what she was.
It was much harder to keep secrets from children than she expected.
Mimi found them at age four– by accident, she claimed, the drawer just opened, though Haruka did not need Michiru’s shrewd eyebrow raise to know Mimi was digging around for candy. Mimi did not let them change the subject. “Papa!” She said, waving the more recent picture as high as she could reach. “Is this me?”
“It is, Poptart.” She picked her up and settled into the couch. “That’s the day you were born.”
“Where’s Mama?”
“We’ve got other photos with Mama.”
Michiru caught her eye. “Do you want to see more, Mimi?”
She nodded solemnly. “I was very small.”
“You were.” Michiru knelt down and tickled Mimi’s tummy. “You were teeny tiny. And now you’re grown up so big.”
She left to dig out a photo album, and Mimi brought the other photo to the front. “Who’s this one, Papa?”
Haruka bit her lip. “That’s the day I was born.”
Mimi frowned and looked from the picture to Haruka and back again. “That baby is very teeny tiny.”
“Your papa and mama started off teeny tiny, just like you.”
She kept frowning. Haruka tried to remember what the parenting books said about this. Was she old enough to grasp it? Mimi eyed the photo with all the suspicion her little body could muster. She held the two photos next to each other.
“Who else is this one?”
“That’s my mom.”
Mimi looked up at her. “Grandma’s your mom.”
Haruka laughed. “Grandma’s Mama’s mom.” Mimi stared. “I have a different mom.”
“I have two grandmas?”
“Just one, Honey bunch.” She rubbed Mimi’s arm. This was a talked she’d wanted to have when she was much older. “Papa’s mom… wasn’t very nice. She didn’t really want me.”
Mimi was quiet for a long moment. Her thumbs rubbed back and forth on the photos’ edges, leaving small sticky fingerprints in the gloss. “Do you want me, Papa?”
“More than anything.”
“Good.” She set the pictures aside and turned to snuggle into Haruka’s chest. “I want my Papa.” She clung on, and Haruka held her tight. She waited for the questions to go deeper. She waited for Mimi to deem her unworthy. But Mimi just stayed close.
“Your Papa is a good Papa, isn’t she Mimi?” Michiru said, her eyes meeting Haruka’s as she came back into the room. She smiled gently and sat next to them.
Mimi pressed harder into Haruka. “My Papa’s the best Papa.”
A sob caught in Haruka’s throat. For the first time, she felt like maybe, for her little girl, she really could be.
SittingOverHereDreaming 