I am probably the worst at coming out, honestly. I mostly occupy super safe spaces (I am among the luckiest in the world, I know, because while my orientation is not always well received, I have never been in danger for it and I’ve gotten more acceptance than anything else), but coming out to people still terrifies me sometimes. 

Really the advice I have is that coming out is about you. People LOVE to make it about them, but your safety and comfort is what matters. It’s easy to feel guilty about not telling people– they may feel like you didn’t trust them if you wait to tell them, or like you lied, or any number of things– but mostly people will come to understand that coming out has to do with so much more than your relationship with them. I made quite a few people upset when I came out on Facebook, because I didn’t tell them directly (I… told my father by telling him I came out on Facebook), but it was what I needed to do, it was the way that felt safe and comfortable for me. The people I did tell one on one, I tended to just jump to saying I had a crush on a girl, and leaving it at that (I don’t really recommend that, I’m pretty sure the reason my high school best friend and I fell out of touch is I just dropped “yeah the person I like is a girl” on her and gave her no room to react). 

It’s… hard. I wish I could give tips for coming out to family especially, but my experience was weird. (Aside from my ridiculous way of telling my father, when I told my mom and sister (separately) that I probably liked girls, they didn’t really take me seriously UNTIL I went public with it). And I came out when I was already living away from home– I got to avoid a lot of the fallout from it. A lot of people don’t have that luxury. I know my oldest friend didn’t, he started coming out when he was 15/16, and his parents took it pretty badly (even four  years later, they didn’t go to his wedding). They’re starting to come around now, and he got through it, but it was hard (sadly at that point in our lives we lived in different states, so I don’t have a lot of information on how he did it).

It’s different for everyone, and while “do what feels right” is the worst and most vague advice in the world, it’s what I have. And ALWAYS remember you have the right to not come out to people, you’re not lying or hiding or cowardly or anything if you chose not to tell someone. It’s great an freeing if you can get there, but it’s okay to not be there yet. And it’s okay to never get there in some instances (I, for example, never plan on letting one of my grandfathers know I’m gay unless I get into a super serious relationship. I love him, but I don’t know that our relationship would withstand me coming out.) And know that even people who seem super confident in who they are can struggle with this too, and you’re never, ever alone.