“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”

The terror in your eyes keeps me from rolling mine. Years of hearing about how there was nothing you wanted so much as this, and now you have doubts. “It’s a bit late for that now, Haruka.” Mountains of paperwork and fees and screenings too late.

“But. But what if…” Your knuckles are white against the steering wheel. “What if she doesn’t like me? What if I hurt her?” You look down; you always think that will keep me from seeing that you’re crying.

“Oh Ruka.” I pull you over to me. “She’s going to love you, I promise.” You sniffle into my shoulder. “And you’ll be a great parent.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” I am infinitely more sure about you than I am myself, but that won’t help you now. “We’ve learned from the mistakes everyone made with us. You’re going to take such good care of her. I know you will.”

“But…”

“She’s waiting for us, Ruka.” I stroke your hair. “She’s in there, ready to meet you.”

You put on your brave face and get out of the car. Inside, a woman leads us to the nursery. She picks up a baby and looks at me like she expects me to hold her first, but you’re there, ready. You hold the bundle like she’s the most fragile thing in the world. “Hello.” Your voice shakes. “I’m going to be your Papa.”

You’re crying again, but with so much more than just fear. The nurse smiles. She takes our picture, tells you all the little things you worried about not knowing. I watch as you talk the baby to sleep. She’s already comfortable with you; the nurse is impressed.

You never had anything to fear, Haruka.

I wish the same could be said about me.