Tag: himeka verse

Petrichor – The smell of dry rain on the ground. (It’s actually rain on dry ground, prompt writer) Haruka

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

YOUR CORRECTION MADE ME SNORT

This is rough, but my goal was to get something out and I did that.

——

It reminded Haruka of a time long past, when she’d run to
purposefully get caught in the rain. She’d run until she felt the first drops
start, feel them mix with the sweat on her skin, and wait for the sky to open
for her fully. Walking miles in the rain was a misery, but a simple misery. She
could strip down at the end and say she was stupid for getting caught, that her
shoes would be soaked for days and it pissed her off, and for a little while
she had an easy pain to focus on.

The drops got more frequent, sprinkling dark dots into the
sand. Haruka breathed deep to let the scent wash over her.

“Papa, it’s raining!”

Haruka snapped to attention and rummaged through the bag
she’d put in their wagon. “You want your coat, sweetie?”

“No, it’s warm.” Himeka sat down on the jungle gym bridge
and let her feet dangle. “But nobody’s here.”

“That’s true. They’re all a bit smarter than your papa.”

“No! You’re the smartest. You made me queen of the
playground, see?” She stood up and held out her arms. “It’s all mine.”

“Just be careful, it might get slippery. Your highness.”

Himeka laughed. “I’m your highnest!” She came down the slide
and hopped over to Haruka. “That means you got to pull me all the way home.”

“Does it now?”

“No questions. Highnest!”

Haruka chuckled and scooped her into the wagon. “I suppose
you’re right. Onwards, then.” She pulled the wagon along, somewhat regretting
packing the equivalent of a second Himeka’s worth of stuff into their bag.

“Through the puddles, Papa! Puddles!”

Haruka ran so water splashed up the sides of the wagon. The
aches started sooner now, almost as soon as her socks soaked through. In the
days of the war, she never thought she’d ache as much as she did then. It was a
different wariness now, but it made Haruka chuckle. She’d been so miserable in
the midst of it, and now the ache in her bones was a happy one.

She and Himeka stripped out of their clothes together when
they got in. They sat in front of the dryer wrapped in fluffy towels. “I used
to run in the rain a lot you know.”

Himeka nodded. “It’s fun. Like trouble, but without getting in trouble.”

“I didn’t think of it that way.” Haruka laughed. “I think it
was more like putting myself in time out.”

“That’s silly, Papa.” Himeka frowned. “You didn’t do
anything bad.”

Haruka smiled and ruffled Himeka’s hair. There was little
point, she found, in explaining her guilt, especially to a five year old with
no idea of what had happened. “Your papa is a bit silly sometimes.”

“It’s okay, I’m silly too.” She lifted her towel around her
and scooted over into Haruka’s lap. “We can be silly together.”

Haruka pulled her into her arms. “You’re the best girl, you
know that?” She leaned against the laundry room wall and let the hum of the
dryer lull them both to sleep.

Michiru, Autumn

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

This is more mini-fic than headcanon and is only tangentially related to autumn, BUT OH WELL
———
“We do not cry in public, Michiru,” her mother had said on her first day of school, when the fear of the unknown had threatened to well up in her eyes. “You are a Kaioh.”
She’d put a hand on the small of Michiru’s back to fix her posture and sent her forth, more a wind up doll than a child. The other kids were wild, frizzy haired and careless. Michiru stayed contained. When the teachers said they were to finger paint their name tags, Michiru asked for a brush, and when they came around to write names over the paint Michiru’s was already there in careful blue lettering. She had been there to excel, to show off the tutoring her family had paid for. She was not there to learn, and most certainly not to make friends.

And now she hoped the exact opposite for her daughter.

“It’ll be okay, papa,” Himeka said, standing on tip toe as Haruka crouched to hug her. Her little Mary Janes were already scuffed at the toes from the walk there.

“Are you gonna be okay? You can call us if you need us.” Haruka’s tears left little wet dots in the shoulder of Himeka’s sweater.

“I’ll be fine, papa. Kimi’s in my class, remember? We ‘quested.”

“How are you so grown up already?” Haruka stood and wiped her eyes. “We’re gonna miss you so much.”

“I’ll miss you too, papa.” She turned to Michiru now. The confidence on her eyes gave way to vulnerability. Michiru crouched to meet her. “Will I be okay?” She whispered into her ear.

Michiru hugged her tight. “You’re going to be great, little bear.”

Himeka let out a little sob. Michiru stroked her hair. “We’re gonna be right here at the end of the day, and you can tell us all about your teachers and Kimi and all the other friends you make.”

“What if I don’t make any?”

“Then…” Michiru but back words about the other children not being worthy of her. “Then you’ll try again tomorrow. But you’ll always have us.”

Himeka nodded. Michiru gave her a kiss on her cheek and watched she ran to find Kimi.

“You’re crying,” Haruka said, taking her hand.

Michiru laughed. “I am.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry in public before.”

Michiru leaned into her. “It’s been a long time. But this is worth it.”

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday’s fic got me thinking– while I first intended Himeka to be a sort of stock child, everything with her so far exists (or at least, can exist) in the same universe. So I thought I’d do a masterpost of everything established in that universe. For funsies. 

We Could Pretend (optional, included because I wrote AHB as a sequel)

Things You Said When You Were Scared

The Night It Started

A Happy Birthday

Haruka Dies! Doc and Dreaming’s Angstober Fun (I suppose if anyone was reading the entire Himeka-verse collection, I’d recommend chronological order)

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

I FORGOT ABOUT MICHIRU’S BIRTHDAY. Since the first I’ve been like, I feel like there’s something in the beginning of March?? What is it?? And then I woke up today and remembered.

SO. I decided to be cheap and write fluff paralleling last year’s fic, set 18 years later.

A Happy Birthday
~900 words

The curtains were open to let the sunlight in. That should have informed Michiru, but in her still-sleepy haze all she could do was appreciate how the golden light sparkled on Haruka’s neck and arms. She watched her breathe for a few long minutes before propping herself up to kiss her cheek. “Morning, love.”

“Happy birthday.”

Haruka was never so aware when waking up. It was then that Michiru suspected she was being played. “Have you been awake long?”

“I’ve been asleep this whole time.” Haruka tried and failed to hide her grin.

“Is that so?” Michiru sat up. “I’d better go get some coffee started.”

“No!” Haruka threw her arms around her. “I mean, it’s your birthday, you should relax. Stay here awhile.”

“I suppose I could do that.” Michiru adjusted her pillow against the headboard. “Though I can only imagine Himeka will be up soon, one of us is going to have to make her breakfast.”

“No!” came a shout from behind the door. “I made you breakfast.” It swung open to reveal their little daughter in pajamas– the ones Michiru had picked out, even though she loved Haruka’s race car ones best. Haruka had cleverly pinned a Happy Birthday banner to the corner of the door and the frame so the green letters fell into the sunlight as it opened.

Himeka bounced onto their bed. “What do you want first?”

Michiru laughed. “Whatever you would like to give me first.”

“Okay.” She looked to Haruka for guidance, and Haruka nodded encouragement. Himeka ran into the hall and walked back in very slowly. Haruka had poured coffee into a travel thermos and shut it tight, but she’d clearly also imparted the dangers of it to Himeka. Her little face scrunched up; she stared at the thermos she held in both hands as though she was willing every drop to stay put. A big sigh escaped her body when she set it safely on Michiru’s nightstand. “Okay, now food!” She ran back out.

Haruka pulled a second thermos from the bottom shelf of her bedside table. “I couldn’t make her do that twice,” she whispered. “Even though she wanted to.”

“You always were a kind soul.” She slipped her a kiss before their daughter returned, plate in hand. A truly terrifying stack of waffles balanced on top, covered in berries and whipped cream.

“We can share!” Himeka assured her.

“You certainly went all out.” Michiru smiled as she cut off a small bite and Haruka shoveled a much larger one. “Thank you.”

“This is only the beginning, Mama. We have presents, and lunch reservations, and Papa’s gonna take you to a concert.”

“Hey, those were supposed to be surprises.”

Himeka covered her mouth, smushing her hands against the dollops of cream stuck on her lips. “Whoops.”

Haruka laughed. “We’ll just have to hope Mama forgets.”

“Forgets what?” Michiru asked with a smile.

“It worked!”

They ate their way through the waffles, Haruka and Himeka taking the lion’s share. Michiru took a moment to let their happiness wash over her. Thirty-four years on this earth, eighteen with Haruka by her side and six with their daughter, and it still seemed impossible sometimes. Most times. Happiness was never meant to be something she could hold, but here it was, sticky fingers and all. She set the plate aside when it was empty and kissed Himeka on the head.

“Do you want your presents now?”

“If you would like to give them to me, yes.”

Himeka was gone and back again as fast as her little legs could carry her. She set three bags on Michiru’s lap. “This one first, it’s from both of us.”

Michiru pulled away the tissue slowly, watching her girls lean forward in anticipation. They were practically on top of her when she finally revealed the slim jewelry box. Inside sat a simple necklace with three little stick people attached– one in an aquamarine dress, one in a garnet square Michiru assumed was meant to be a shirt, and a smaller one with a round diamond body.

Himeka threw up her arms. “It’s us!”

Haruka smiled sheepishly. “I know it’s a little tacky, b–”

“It’s wonderful.” She handed it over a lifted her hair. “Put it on me?”

Haruka clipped it on with well practiced fingers. Himeka poked at the people-charms and smiled. “It makes you extra beautiful.” She pressed the second bag into Michiru’s hands. “Mine next!” She did not wait for Michiru to sort through the paper, instead pulling out the painting inside herself. It was a rough, child-watercolors version of one of Michiru’s own works, with the addition of several smiling fish and a handful of well-placed stickers.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s gorgeous. We’ll have to get it framed.”

Haruka’s present was, of course, concert tickets, and Michiru feigned surprise for Himeka’s sake. It was a performance of her favorite suite by a touring orchestra, she had considered getting tickets herself but, thankfully, had thought better of it.

As they got ready that night, Setsuna having come early to babysit, Haruka wrapped her arms around Michiru from behind. “You don’t have to keep it on, you know.” She kissed Michiru’s neck just above the necklace. “I know it doesn’t go with much.”

There was truth in that. Michiru’s skin and wardrobe fared better with silver; the chain was gold. And that was ignoring the gem colors. But she turned around with a smile. “I think this is the sort of thing that goes with everything.”

Haruka Dies! Doc and Dreaming’s Angstober Fun: Masterpost

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

The most wonderful time of the year has come to an end. But Angstober lives forever in our hearts, so I thought I’d collect this AU in one post. There are two ways to read it, publishing order and chronologically. I’m in favor of publishing order, as I think then you can see how things came together and we bounced off each other’s work, but I’m including both because maybe you feel differently, idk.

Warning that you may need tissues while reading some of this. (Then again I recommend having tissues ready for all of Doc’s work)

Publishing order:

It hurts by me
It hurts by @docholligay
Don’t tell Michiru -me
Play to the Coda -doc
All She Had To Lose – me

Chronological:

All She Had To Lose 
Don’t tell Michiru 
It hurts (doc)
Play to the Coda 
It hurts (me)

Angstober 18/24

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

Major Illness/A Terrible Secret

Another installation of Haruka Dies! Doc and Dreaming’s Angstober fun! I can’t really justify this being late for BOTH prompt days it works for, as it is a) not long (1177 words) and b) more like 3 drabbles strung together than a proper fic. BUT HERE IT IS. Chronologically, this takes place first, then this, this, this, and finally this.

Haruka could never get in the habit of going to the doctor. She took Himeka religiously, not a check up was missed nor a fever unevaluated. Michiru got her encouragement to go as well, even. But Haruka herself? Her mother’s old admonishments played in her head every time. Never mind that they had excellent insurance now, that even without Michiru’s parents’ money they made enough to comfortably cover almost any copay that was thrown at them, Haruka had to suck it up.

It had worked so far. But now here she was, waiting on a blood test to determine what scary unpronounceable word applied to her.

No, none of them applied to her. The doctor was overreacting, saying things to run more tests and get more money. That was what doctors did. If Haruka was really sick, she’d be in bed.

Just that morning, she’d walked Himeka to school. The moment they’d gotten out of Michiru’s watchful gaze, her little girl had lifted up her arms. “Papa, I want to ride!” Haruka hoisted her onto her back, running and jumping along the rode side as Himeka screamed with laughter.

Maybe that had taken more out of her than it should have, but that was part of getting old, wasn’t it? And if she’d gotten a little thin, she just hadn’t been eating enough, her metabolism had always been hard to keep up with. And if she’d passed out at work, that just meant—

“Ms. Tennoh?”

She stood. The doctor’s face was worn with lines behind her glasses. They all converged into an image of worry.

“Is there anyone with you? Anyone you would like us to call?”

Haruka opened her mouth to say her wife, they could call Michiru. But this was bad news. Michiru didn’t deserve bad news in the middle of the day. “No, I’d like to hear this alone.”

—-

Himeka bounded out of the school’s double doors and straight into Haruka’s arms. “Papa! Look what I made!” She held up a paper nearly as long as her arm-span emblazoned with a finger painted pink pig.

“You’re taking after your mama, I see.”

Himeka beamed. “Can you carry me home?”

Haruka hesitated.

You need to take it easy. We’ll run more tests when you come back tomorrow, but it’s very likely that a tumor…

“Of course, princess.” They were wrong, they had to be wrong. She’d fought a goddamn war against aliens and demons and god only knew what else, and if she could get through that then she couldn’t die now. Haruka took Himeka on her shoulders and ran.

“Papa, slow down!”

But she couldn’t. Whatever was inside her was going to catch her, and her old instincts kicked in. Charge into battle or run away. Haruka’s pulse rang in her ears, her heart felt like it was ripping apart with every ragged breath. Himeka leaned in and held onto her for dear life. Haruka hoped she would never let go.

Michiru wasn’t home yet when they got there. “What do you say we make dinner for Mama tonight?”

“Mama wants pizza.”

“Does she?”

Himeka straightened her stance and nodded solemnly. “She ab-sol-ut-el-y does.” She smiled. “That’s a good word, isn’t it?”

“A very good word.” Haruka rummaged in the cupboard to find their pizza pan. “Is it on your vocabulary list?”

“No, Auntie Mina taught it to me.”

Haruka laughed, but it ripped at her throat halfway up and brought tears in her eyes. Where was she going to be when Mina started teaching Himeka less savory things? Who was going to yell at her when she told Himeka about condoms or the best way to pick pocket men? Minako wouldn’t give a flying fuck about any of Michiru’s objections, Haruka had to be there. She grabbed the pan and retreated into the light.

“You’re the smartest girl I’ve ever known, you know that?”

Himeka frowned. “But Kimi is better in—“

“No.” Haruka scooped her up. “You’re my smartest girl.” She ruffled her hair. “And the prettiest, and the bravest, and—“

“Papa stop!” Himeka giggled into her shoulder. “You’re being silly.”

“Am I? I’d better stop, there’s no room for silliness in pizza making.”

There was, it turned out, a lot of room for silliness in pizza making.  By the time Michiru walked in there was a very lopsided pizza in the oven and quite a lot of sauce on the counter and their faces. Not a drop on Himeka’s white shirt, though, Haruka had to proudly note.

Michiru hung her coat on the wrack with a resigned smile. “Sometimes I forget I’m coming home to two children.”

“Mama, we made you dinner!”

“I see that.” She grabbed a paper towel and wiped Himeka’s face. “I trust you kept your Papa in line? We’re not having candy?”

Himeka nodded. “I was very stern.” That was probably a Rei word, Haruka mused. Perhaps Rei…

Michiru peered into the oven. “You even put some vegetables on, well done.”

“Hey.” Haruka wrapped her arms around Michiru from behind. “The spinach was my idea.”

“I’m shocked.” She turned and gave Haruka a peck on the cheek. “But I suppose if you’ve both been so good, we might be able to have the dessert I got from Mako…”

Himeka shrieked with delight.

—-

An ordinary evening had no right to be so beautiful, Haruka mused as she climbed into bed that night. It wasn’t fair for the universe to throw everything she had to lose in her face. She’d get better. She swore to God she’d get better, even if the doctors were right in their suspicions. Michiru and Himeka needed her.

“I got an interesting call today,” Michiru said from the bathroom.

Haruka’s heart dropped. Michiru knew, and would be so scared, and Haruka didn’t want to do this tonight, Michiru didn’t deserve it. “Oh?”

Michiru came into the bedroom. Her robe hung off her shoulders, but she clutched it around her chest. “You fainted at work. Mikey thought I should know.”

Damn it, Mikey. She’d have to talk to him about this, she didn’t call his wife about personal business. But it wasn’t the hospital, and that was something. “Yeah, I… I guess I didn’t eat enough or something.”

A lie for protection was alright, wasn’t it?

Michiru’s brow knotted. “You have been…” She pressed her lips together. She’d noticed, then, that Haruka had lost weight. Haruka prayed that was all.  “I guess we’ll have to make pancakes in the morning to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Haruka smiled, but a hurricane roared inside her. “Come here.”

Michiru climbed onto the bed. Haruka put her hands on her waist, thumbs caressing the fabric over her hips. “I love you.” She pressed her head into her neck. “So much.”

“I love you, Haruka.” Her arms wrapped around Haruka’s body, one hand tangling into her hair. “Please never scare me like that again.”

“I won’t.” Haruka would keep her secret until she got better. She kissed along the edge of Michiru’s robe. “I promise.”

Angstober Day 7

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

“Imagine one of these two assholes is terminally ill, but decides not to tell the other because REASONS I GUESS”

This was supposed to be a standalone thing, but it ended up fitting pretty well as a possible lead in to Doc’s prequel to my Day 3. But that’s complicated and not really necessary, so here goes. ~580 words, and a warning that it’s not edited very thoroughly because my alarm didn’t go off this morning.

—–

“I’m calling her.”

Haruka crossed her arms. The hospital gown ruined any effect it might have had. “I thought you’d on my side in this.”

Mina took a deep breath. “I am always on your side. But there aren’t any sides right now. I don’t have any love for the squidly queen, but she’s your wife.”

“And that’s why she doesn’t need to know. She’ll worry.”

Mina was this close to pulling out her hair.  Of course Michiru would worry, Mina was fucking worried. The doctor had laid out the odds. Haruka was dammned if she had the surgery, damned if she didn’t. And of course Mina couldn’t cry, if Mina cried finding out Haruka would never be convinced tell Michiru.

“I’m going to be okay, Mina. We’ve always been one in a million, haven’t we?”

Organ failure, the doctor’s words echoed in Mina’s head. Possible brain death. “What about Himeka?”

Haruka sat down on the bed. “Her class is reading Charlotte’s Web. Hopefully I’ll be home before they reach the end, she’s not ready for that.”

“Goddamnit Haruka, stop this. You can’t just pretend this isn’t happening.”

“That’s not…” Her eyes were glassy. “I’ve been reading a lot, Ami would be proud. Patients who believe they’re gonna be okay survive more than those who don’t.” She grabbed Mina’s hand. “I can’t keep believing if everyone says goodbye.”

The paper sheets crinkled as Mina say down too. “Why call me then?”

“I wasn’t going to. But I needed someone.” She looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ll have to make it up to me later. Buy all my drinks next karaoke night.”

Haruka smiled. “I don’t make enough in a week to cover everything you drink.”

Mina forced herself to smile. “Better start saving then.”

They talked awhile about meaningless things, things that slipped through Mina’s mind like water no matter how much she tried to remember them later. Then the nurses swarmed in to prep Haruka.

“You have to go.”

“One hug. For good luck.”

Haruka didn’t argue, and she didn’t protest Mina holding on just a little too long. Mina needed to memorize this, bottle the feeling up for when Haruka wasn’t here.  “I’ll see you on the other side.”

“You don’t have to stay here.”

“Okay,” Mina said, as though there were the even the faintest possibility she was setting foot outside the hospital until she knew the outcome. One of the nurses ushered her into the waiting room.

It wasn’t like the waiting room for a normal doctor or the dentist or Mina’s favorite masseuse. There was no television showing the morning talk shows, no friendly issues of gossip magazines. Only scared people avoiding eye contact with all the other scared people. They all knew someone in the room would get bad news. You all don’t have to worry. It’s me today. Fuck Haruka, hiding this until the last possible moment. Fuck her, it was probably the car fumes that fucked her up in the first place, it was all her fault for picking a career like that. Fuck her for putting Mina in this position, fuck her fuck her fuck her.

Mina’s breath caught in a sob. All the scared people kept their eyes averted. No one wanted to acknowledge pain that wasn’t their own. She cried alone until her phone vibrated. There were signs plastered on every wall commanding her not to use it, but Mina didn’t care. Rei’s number flashed on her screen, a shine of something like hope.

“Hello?” Her throat was scratchy.

“Where are you? I’ve been wa—“

“I need you to come to the hospital.

Bring Michiru.”

“It Hurts”

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

docholligay:

Okay, I had NOTHING PLANNED for today, wasn’t gonna do it at all, but then @sittingoverheredreaming published her thing for Angstober day 3 and it was so amazing that I lost my shit and had to (after asking permission of course) write the prelude to her fic, It’s all written within her AU, idea all hers, etc, I’m just tagging along. 

Michiru
hated the smell of this place. Hated the harsh whiteness of the
walls. The noise of the calls over the loudspeaker. The hum of the
soda machine in the corner. Everything about it.

Outside
the glass-walled waiting room, she could see Mina gesturing wildly in
Rei’s face, Rei grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her back
from the room. Her face was flushed, her eyes glossy with emotion.
Rei clasped her tightly and whispered something into her ear. Mina
nodded, rested her head on Rei’s shoulder for a moment, and then
walked away her irritation still evident, down toward the cafeteria.

Rei
watched her go, and took a deep breath before turning away from the
hall and walking toward Michiru.

Michiru
turned away from the door, wrapping Haruka’s thick cardigan sweater
around her body tightly.

“Michiru.”
Rei’s voice was soft, her hand placed tenderly on Michiru’s shoulder,
and somehow that made it worse. One more otherwordly thing in this
terrible place.

She
looked up, almost against her will, as Rei sat down beside her.
“We’ll be able to see her soon. Shift change is nearly complete. I
should get one of those Coca-Colas. She’ll want one, when she wakes,
you know.”

Rei
shook her head. “She’s coded twice.” Her voice was controlled, as
if she was trying to keep herself from the old, usual Rei, blunting
her sharpness for Michiru’s sake.

“I’m
aware.”

“She’s
trying really hard.”

Michiru
smiled and gestured carelessly. “Naturally. She has a great deal to
live for, Rei. We have a lovely home, and with the close of the War
our lives have seen such relaxation. We have a very bright and
charming six year old daughter who absolutely adores–” Her voice
broke, the cool effect gone from her face, and she bent forward.
“adores Haruka. Why wouldn’t she want to live?”

“I
don’t think wanting’s got anything to do with it, Michiru.” She
pulled the chair to be across from Michiru, and took Michiru’s hands
in hers. “She’s having a tough time.”

“She
needs to live.” Michiru hissed. Michiru had always walked that fine
line. She would give it all for Haruka, anything the world asked of
her. But it wasn’t, in the darkest parts of her heart, for Haruka.
Michiru needed Haruka, needed her light, needed her warmth. She was
cold and dark as an arctic winter without Haruka, how could she
possibly raise Himeka, broken as she was?

Rei
seemed to momentarily lose her carefully-constructed gentleness. “All
you’re doing is hurting her.” She regretted the words immediately
as Michiru held back a cry. “I just, I mean,” She put her arms
around Michiru. “Even the doctor said they’ve done all they
can…Michiru, she’s hooked up to so many things, and she’s so
uncomfortable. You love her more than this. I know you do. She’s
fighting because you won’t tell her not to. Love her.”

“I…”
Michiru was not often lost for words, and more than the looming loss
of Haruka, Rei felt the pain of watching a carefully-maintained
friend crumble in front of her. “It hurts, Rei. I can’t.” She
steeled herself, nodding. “No. I have to. Please tell the nurse I’d
like to speak to the physician.”

Rei
did not move, just held Michiru to her, and for the first time over
the entire course of their friendship, she felt Michiru shake in her
arms, weeping.

Angstober Day 3- “It hurts”

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

This one is short, ~400 words, but I’m sticking it under a cut because writing it fucked up my day.

“It hurts.”

Michiru cradled Himeka’s little body in her arms. “I know, I’m sorry.”

She looked up with her big brown eyes. Her whole face was wet with tears. “Make it stop.”

Would that I could. Michiru pressed her face into Himeka’s hair. “I can’t, bear. I can’t fix this.”

Himeka was silent for a long moment. “Papa could fix anything with her tools,” she said slowly. It wasn’t meant to be an accusation, but Michiru felt its sting.

“She could.” She swallowed hard. “And the doctors tried hard with their tools, they really did.”

“But they’re not Papa,” Himeka said with finality, as though if Haruka had only operated on herself with a wrench, she’d be here. Michiru but the inside of her cheek. She promised herself Himeka wouldn’t see her cry. It was bad enough that she had to cry herself, she’d didn’t need the muck of Michiru’s feelings.  

“Mama?”

“Yes, bear?”

“I’m going to make this better.” Himeka wriggled off her lap and ran into the hall. Michiru couldn’t tell her to walk. Haruka had always ran, always said Himeka had to run in the house if she was going to race like Papa one day.

Himeka came back with a small box in hand. She climbed onto the bed next to Michiru and pulled out a bandaid. Little stars dotted it, for Papa’s little star.

With clumsy fingers, she stuck it on her shirt, on the left side of her chest. No, Michiru realized—over her heart. She put a second on Michiru in the same place. A pat with her chubby hand, and then a quick kiss. Just like Haruka always did when she scrapped her knee.

“There. We’re gonna be okay.” She sat and swung her legs back and forth. “It just might take some time.”

Michiru took a deep breath. “You sound just like your Papa. She’d be proud.”

Himeka leaned into her. “I still love her a lot.”

“You always will.” She rubbed her back. “I always will, too.”

Himeka dozed off slowly, spurts of hiccupping herself back awake until she finally gave way to a tiny snore. Michiru tucked her into the covers. She laid next to her instead of going to her own bed across the hall. Quietly as she could, she let herself cry into the pillow until she fell asleep.

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

So, it seems this is the last fic party. It’s very bittersweet. For this month, I decided to revisit “Spring is a time for new beginnings,” since while a year ago it certainly wasn’t spring, something wonderful began.

Also, because I’m baby trash right now, and wanted to write something like this anyway.

The Night It Started
~1000 words
AO3 Link
Technically, it’s a continuation of this mini-fic, but it stands on its own just fine I think.

Michiru smiled and tucked a blanket around Haruka. She’d only managed to make it halfway through changing into pajamas before passing out sprawled on top of the bed covers. For a week straight she’d been running herself ragged. More than once Michiru had woken up in the middle of the night, either to find Haruka in the nursery fussing over Himeka or scrambling to find and react to new information. “Spring babies are more likely to develop skin cancer, we need to keep her out of the sun!” “I think we didn’t get the best brand of formula, one website says another has more nutrients…” She couldn’t have gotten more than a few hours’ rest since they brought the baby home. Now, finally, it had caught up to her.

And of course, now that Haruka had fallen asleep, Himeka started to cry.

Michiru slipped into the hall and shut the door. Hopefully that would mute the noise enough for Haruka to stay asleep. Part of Michiru wondered if Haruka had run herself so ragged over baby care out of the same fears Michiru had over how she’d handle the baby without Haruka there, but the rest of her knew Haruka believed too highly of her to even entertain the idea. She’d doubt herself to the point of terror before considering that Michiru might not be cut out for this. Michiru had never thought about having kids, barely felt like she had ever truly been a kid, much less had any idea how to love one. She entered the nursery with her own fear heavy on her shoulders.

Himeka lay in the crib Haruka had so carefully put together. Her small face was scrunched and red as she cried. Michiru couldn’t see what inspired such big, instinctual love in Haruka. She was just a small, loud, inarticulate person, and not one Michiru would call cute at the moment. But Haruka loved her, so Michiru had to try. “What is it?”

Himeka kept crying as Michiru lifted her up. She always quieted at least a little when Haruka held her. Now, it seemed, she only got louder. “Thank you for the vote of confidence.”

Himeka’s diaper was dry. Michiru tried to remember when Haruka had last fed her. “Are you hungry?”

Himeka did not answer. Michiru took her out to the kitchen anyway.

Haruka made preparing the formula while holding the baby look easy. It was not. Himeka kept squirming as she cried. The image of dropping her into the boiling water kept haunting Michiru’s mind, too clear to be a genuine vision but all the more frightening for it. She put Himeka back in her crib. Something akin to guilt tugged at Michiru’s heart for leaving her crying alone. The water took forever to boil, and even longer to cool. At long last she mixed it and tested the temperature on her wrist. It was a small miracle that Haruka had not woken up.

In the nursery, Himeka took the bottle greedily as Michiru held her. “You’re going to take after your Papa, I see. She’s also a bear when she’s hungry.” It was, perhaps, absurd to think Himeka resembled Haruka, but she was starting to see similarities in her face. Their eyes had the same shine. Maybe it was just because they spent so much time together. “Just so long as you wait a long time to share your Papa’s love of motor sports. That’s too dangerous for baby bears.” Michiru caught herself smiling. Himeka was looking at her now, still gulping, but focused on her. “Do you like being my baby bear?” Did she even know what a bear was? Haruka had bought her several teddy bears, but had she told her what they were? “Well, you can be Papa’s little girl, but Mama’s baby bear. How does that sound?”

Himeka gurgled.

Michiru took the bottle away and burped her, but she didn’t put her back in the crib. “I don’t know much about bears,” she told the now very attentive Himeka. “I might mess up with you a lot. My parents raised me to be just a dancing bear in their circus. But I want you to be a happy bear. I’m going to try, but I can’t make promises.” She tickled the baby’s tummy. “Will you forgive me?”

Himeka wrapped one tiny fist around Michiru’s thumb. Her pudgy fingers were soft and warm. Michiru felt something in her chest dissolve into the same warmth.

“We’ll shake on it, baby bear.” She lifted Himeka up to her shoulder and rocked in her chair.The light fuzz on top of her head brushed Michiru’s cheek. She was so tiny and vulnerable, all her support came from Michiru. Her little body clung on, but with trust instead of fear. Michiru felt words form in her mouth she’d only ever used sincerely on Haruka.

“I love you.”

——-

Haruka woke that morning disorientated, both by her state of dress and by being alone in their bed. She couldn’t remember falling asleep. The bedside clock told her she had been down all night. Her first thought was to wonder where Michiru was; the second was to worry about Himeka. She stumbled out of bed, shirt still on backwards and jeans still unzipped, and ran into the hall.

Her breath caught when she made it to the nursery. Himeka lay happily asleep in her crib. Michiru slept as well, the rocking chair pulled close enough that she could lean on the crib rail. One arm cushioned her head. The other squeezed through the bars to hold Himeka’s hand.

Haruka snuck out quietly and returned with their camera. After taking pictures from every angle she could conceive of without waking either of them, she sat down on the opposite side of the crib. She wanted to hold on to this moment forever. A few tears rolled down her cheek. She reached in to take Himeka’s other hand.  These were her girls, the beautiful start of her little family.