AW YEAH
Tag: harumichi
stopping right here so i can pretend this is a kiss lead in
IT OPENS WITH MICHIRU HOLDING HARUKA SOMEONE HOLD *ME*
Angstober Day 7
“Imagine one of these two assholes is terminally ill, but decides not to tell the other because REASONS I GUESS”
This was supposed to be a standalone thing, but it ended up fitting pretty well as a possible lead in to Doc’s prequel to my Day 3. But that’s complicated and not really necessary, so here goes. ~580 words, and a warning that it’s not edited very thoroughly because my alarm didn’t go off this morning.
—–
“I’m calling her.”
Haruka crossed her arms. The hospital gown ruined any effect it might have had. “I thought you’d on my side in this.”
Mina took a deep breath. “I am always on your side. But there aren’t any sides right now. I don’t have any love for the squidly queen, but she’s your wife.”
“And that’s why she doesn’t need to know. She’ll worry.”
Mina was this close to pulling out her hair. Of course Michiru would worry, Mina was fucking worried. The doctor had laid out the odds. Haruka was dammned if she had the surgery, damned if she didn’t. And of course Mina couldn’t cry, if Mina cried finding out Haruka would never be convinced tell Michiru.
“I’m going to be okay, Mina. We’ve always been one in a million, haven’t we?”
Organ failure, the doctor’s words echoed in Mina’s head. Possible brain death. “What about Himeka?”
Haruka sat down on the bed. “Her class is reading Charlotte’s Web. Hopefully I’ll be home before they reach the end, she’s not ready for that.”
“Goddamnit Haruka, stop this. You can’t just pretend this isn’t happening.”
“That’s not…” Her eyes were glassy. “I’ve been reading a lot, Ami would be proud. Patients who believe they’re gonna be okay survive more than those who don’t.” She grabbed Mina’s hand. “I can’t keep believing if everyone says goodbye.”
The paper sheets crinkled as Mina say down too. “Why call me then?”
“I wasn’t going to. But I needed someone.” She looked down. “I’m sorry.”
“You’ll have to make it up to me later. Buy all my drinks next karaoke night.”
Haruka smiled. “I don’t make enough in a week to cover everything you drink.”
Mina forced herself to smile. “Better start saving then.”
They talked awhile about meaningless things, things that slipped through Mina’s mind like water no matter how much she tried to remember them later. Then the nurses swarmed in to prep Haruka.
“You have to go.”
“One hug. For good luck.”
Haruka didn’t argue, and she didn’t protest Mina holding on just a little too long. Mina needed to memorize this, bottle the feeling up for when Haruka wasn’t here. “I’ll see you on the other side.”
“You don’t have to stay here.”
“Okay,” Mina said, as though there were the even the faintest possibility she was setting foot outside the hospital until she knew the outcome. One of the nurses ushered her into the waiting room.
It wasn’t like the waiting room for a normal doctor or the dentist or Mina’s favorite masseuse. There was no television showing the morning talk shows, no friendly issues of gossip magazines. Only scared people avoiding eye contact with all the other scared people. They all knew someone in the room would get bad news. You all don’t have to worry. It’s me today. Fuck Haruka, hiding this until the last possible moment. Fuck her, it was probably the car fumes that fucked her up in the first place, it was all her fault for picking a career like that. Fuck her for putting Mina in this position, fuck her fuck her fuck her.
Mina’s breath caught in a sob. All the scared people kept their eyes averted. No one wanted to acknowledge pain that wasn’t their own. She cried alone until her phone vibrated. There were signs plastered on every wall commanding her not to use it, but Mina didn’t care. Rei’s number flashed on her screen, a shine of something like hope.
“Hello?” Her throat was scratchy.
“Where are you? I’ve been wa—“
“I need you to come to the hospital.
Bring Michiru.”
Angstober Day 5
“Person B outliving Person A due to Person A being in the wrong place at the wrong time because of something Person B did”
Warning for character death, obviously. ~500 words
—-
Haruka collapsed against a fencepost. She couldn’t say how long she’d been running. Long enough for her legs to be screaming. It had been a long time since they’d hurt like this. She stretched her calves before reaching for her phone. It was a small miracle she’d had it on her when she bolted out of the house, and a much bigger one that it hadn’t fallen out of her pocket. Her fingers shook as she dialed. If Michiru’s parents happened to grab her phone…
“Haruka thank god.”
Haruka breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry. Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I just…” Just couldn’t take their glares and progressively less veiled comments for another second. Just did the only thing she knew how to do when people echoed the things she thought about herself. “Can you pick me up?”
“Of course. Where are you?”
“Uh.” She looked around. “Somewhere with cows.” She walked to the street corner in spite of her wobbly legs. “I guess the corner of Perrine and Eastman.”
“How did you… I’ll be there soon.”
Haruka went back to the fence post and sat. She shouldn’t have run away. They’d think even worse of her now. What was she, that she couldn’t even endure one night with her girlfriend’s parents? Not even a single full meal? But god, as the hour got later they’d evolved from stage whispering “But Michiru, I thought you were bringing a girl” to directly asking Haruka what she had to offer Michiru and their family, just what did she bring to the table that made her worthy?
The answer was nothing. Absolutely nothing. She was a mechanic who’d just barely graduated high school, she had no special skills, nothing special at all. There was nothing she could offer Michiru that she didn’t have, and yet here she was, burdening her. Haruka clenched her fists. She loved her, couldn’t that be enough? Couldn’t the fact that Michiru loved her back be enough? She did everything she could to make Michiru happy, and if she shoved aside her doubt she thought she did a pretty good job. That should be what mattered, shouldn’t it?
Headlights appeared down the road. They’d taken Michiru’s little Lexus today; Haruka’s old modded pick up only would have given the Kaiohs more to scorn. She stood up and dusted herself off. Haruka would apologize to them for Michiru’s sake, not tonight but soon. Or maybe they’d just run away together, screw her parents and screw Haruka’s, just so long as they were together…
Two cars were coming up the other road.
Haruka’s heart stopped. She knew all too well the feeling of racing through cow country, it was supposed to be safe, deserted, but why didn’t they have their headlights on, oh god? They were arrogant kids, she’d known plenty like them, seen more than a handful get into bad accidents over refusing seatbelts, or skipping break checks, or leaving off their goddamn headlights.
She ran, but her legs were jelly. Her hands waved wildly as Michiru came to the intersection. She didn’t stop. The racers couldn’t stop.
Their breaks squealed, kept squealing after the first crunch of impact, and the second crunch as Michiru’s little car rolled, and then Haruka couldn’t keep track of anything but her own screams.
“It Hurts”
Okay, I had NOTHING PLANNED for today, wasn’t gonna do it at all, but then @sittingoverheredreaming published her thing for Angstober day 3 and it was so amazing that I lost my shit and had to (after asking permission of course) write the prelude to her fic, It’s all written within her AU, idea all hers, etc, I’m just tagging along.
Michiru
hated the smell of this place. Hated the harsh whiteness of the
walls. The noise of the calls over the loudspeaker. The hum of the
soda machine in the corner. Everything about it.Outside
the glass-walled waiting room, she could see Mina gesturing wildly in
Rei’s face, Rei grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her back
from the room. Her face was flushed, her eyes glossy with emotion.
Rei clasped her tightly and whispered something into her ear. Mina
nodded, rested her head on Rei’s shoulder for a moment, and then
walked away her irritation still evident, down toward the cafeteria.Rei
watched her go, and took a deep breath before turning away from the
hall and walking toward Michiru.Michiru
turned away from the door, wrapping Haruka’s thick cardigan sweater
around her body tightly.“Michiru.”
Rei’s voice was soft, her hand placed tenderly on Michiru’s shoulder,
and somehow that made it worse. One more otherwordly thing in this
terrible place.She
looked up, almost against her will, as Rei sat down beside her.
“We’ll be able to see her soon. Shift change is nearly complete. I
should get one of those Coca-Colas. She’ll want one, when she wakes,
you know.”Rei
shook her head. “She’s coded twice.” Her voice was controlled, as
if she was trying to keep herself from the old, usual Rei, blunting
her sharpness for Michiru’s sake.“I’m
aware.”“She’s
trying really hard.”Michiru
smiled and gestured carelessly. “Naturally. She has a great deal to
live for, Rei. We have a lovely home, and with the close of the War
our lives have seen such relaxation. We have a very bright and
charming six year old daughter who absolutely adores–” Her voice
broke, the cool effect gone from her face, and she bent forward.
“adores Haruka. Why wouldn’t she want to live?”“I
don’t think wanting’s got anything to do with it, Michiru.” She
pulled the chair to be across from Michiru, and took Michiru’s hands
in hers. “She’s having a tough time.”“She
needs to live.” Michiru hissed. Michiru had always walked that fine
line. She would give it all for Haruka, anything the world asked of
her. But it wasn’t, in the darkest parts of her heart, for Haruka.
Michiru needed Haruka, needed her light, needed her warmth. She was
cold and dark as an arctic winter without Haruka, how could she
possibly raise Himeka, broken as she was?Rei
seemed to momentarily lose her carefully-constructed gentleness. “All
you’re doing is hurting her.” She regretted the words immediately
as Michiru held back a cry. “I just, I mean,” She put her arms
around Michiru. “Even the doctor said they’ve done all they
can…Michiru, she’s hooked up to so many things, and she’s so
uncomfortable. You love her more than this. I know you do. She’s
fighting because you won’t tell her not to. Love her.”“I…”
Michiru was not often lost for words, and more than the looming loss
of Haruka, Rei felt the pain of watching a carefully-maintained
friend crumble in front of her. “It hurts, Rei. I can’t.” She
steeled herself, nodding. “No. I have to. Please tell the nurse I’d
like to speak to the physician.”Rei
did not move, just held Michiru to her, and for the first time over
the entire course of their friendship, she felt Michiru shake in her
arms, weeping.
Angstober Day 3- “It hurts”
This one is short, ~400 words, but I’m sticking it under a cut because writing it fucked up my day.
“It hurts.”
Michiru cradled Himeka’s little body in her arms. “I know, I’m sorry.”
She looked up with her big brown eyes. Her whole face was wet with tears. “Make it stop.”
Would that I could. Michiru pressed her face into Himeka’s hair. “I can’t, bear. I can’t fix this.”
Himeka was silent for a long moment. “Papa could fix anything with her tools,” she said slowly. It wasn’t meant to be an accusation, but Michiru felt its sting.
“She could.” She swallowed hard. “And the doctors tried hard with their tools, they really did.”
“But they’re not Papa,” Himeka said with finality, as though if Haruka had only operated on herself with a wrench, she’d be here. Michiru but the inside of her cheek. She promised herself Himeka wouldn’t see her cry. It was bad enough that she had to cry herself, she’d didn’t need the muck of Michiru’s feelings.
“Mama?”
“Yes, bear?”
“I’m going to make this better.” Himeka wriggled off her lap and ran into the hall. Michiru couldn’t tell her to walk. Haruka had always ran, always said Himeka had to run in the house if she was going to race like Papa one day.
Himeka came back with a small box in hand. She climbed onto the bed next to Michiru and pulled out a bandaid. Little stars dotted it, for Papa’s little star.
With clumsy fingers, she stuck it on her shirt, on the left side of her chest. No, Michiru realized—over her heart. She put a second on Michiru in the same place. A pat with her chubby hand, and then a quick kiss. Just like Haruka always did when she scrapped her knee.
“There. We’re gonna be okay.” She sat and swung her legs back and forth. “It just might take some time.”
Michiru took a deep breath. “You sound just like your Papa. She’d be proud.”
Himeka leaned into her. “I still love her a lot.”
“You always will.” She rubbed her back. “I always will, too.”
Himeka dozed off slowly, spurts of hiccupping herself back awake until she finally gave way to a tiny snore. Michiru tucked her into the covers. She laid next to her instead of going to her own bed across the hall. Quietly as she could, she let herself cry into the pillow until she fell asleep.
Angstober Day 2- And there she was, in love with someone else
So Doc has been talking a lot about episode 111, and that led me to this. AU where being brought back to life entails a season 1- style memory wipe. ~1200 words. ETA: AO3 link, for those who prefer reading on there since this is more fic-length than yesterday’s.
There was a girl she saw sometimes that made her feel nostalgic. Haruka didn’t know why. She was sure they’d never met; she’d remember someone with such big gestures and a hairstyle like that. But sometimes their eyes would meet, and the girl would stop smiling, and Haruka would feel her own contentedness cave in, like it was suspended over a gaping hole inside her with fabric all too ready to tear.
She’d had enough of it, she decided one day.
Haruka marched up to her, ignoring her dark-haired friend. “Do I know you?”
The girl’s eyes went wide. She opened her mouth, closed it, grabbed her pigtails for support. “No.” She shook her head. “No. I have to go, I’m um, meeting Mamoru to study. Bye!”
I doubt that’s true, Haruka thought, though she couldn’t place why.
The girl’s friend stayed put. Her violet eyes raked over Haruka’s face. “You remember her.”
Haruka wasn’t sure how to answer.
“Usagi thinks it’s better if you stay how you are. That’s what she’d want. But you have a choice, if you want it.”
“A choice for what?”
The dark haired girl pursed her lips. “Do you know where Hikawa shrine is?”
“I think so, but that doesn’t answer—“
“Come there tonight. We’ll tell you everything then.”
“What? Who’s we? Why are you—“
“Save your questions. I don’t have time for the answers right now.” The girl turned and left.
—-
Logic would say not to go to the shrine. Logic would say when a mysterious girl lures you somewhere after dark without telling you anything, even her name, nothing good was going to happen.
But logic, Haruka mused as she climbed the stairs, had never really been her strong point.
Two girls waited for her at the top, the dark haired one, now in miko robes, and a blonde with a white cat in her lap.
“This is weird.”
“You have no idea,” the blonde said. “I’m Minako, the one with a stick up her butt is Rei—“
“Hey!”
“And this is Artemis.” The cat turned, and, Haruka swore, smiled. He had a crescent moon on his forehead. What the hell was going on?
“Um,” she fumbled to find a response. “I’m Har—“
“Haruka, we know.”
“Tone it down, Rei, we’re trying not to freak her out.”
It definitely wasn’t working. “You know, I think I’m actually just going to go. I think I… left the oven on.” She winced. Brilliant excuse, that was.
“Wait!” Minako stood up. “There’s an ache, deep down in your soul where you can’t seem to reach, like someone cut something out of you and left the wound open.”
“How—“
“It happened to us, once,” Rei said. “Months of dreaming of things we wanted but couldn’t remember, always waking up mourning a loss we couldn’t identify.”
“How did you make it stop?”
Minako wrapped her arms around herself. “You have to give up being an ordinary girl. Spend your life fighting.”
There was something familiar about her, the two of them. “You’re… “ Venus. Mars. The sailor soldiers that made the news every so often, though Haruka felt the pull of a deeper connection. “Am I one of you?”
“You could be, if that’s a life you want to take on.” Minako put a hand on her shoulder. “Either choice is a sacrifice. We can never truly forget what we are. But it’s not an easy life.”
“My life already isn’t easy.” She should slow down, think it through, but it had always been more her style to run into things head on. “If there’s something I’m supposed to be, I want to be it.”
“Are you sure?” the cat asked. Haruka found herself unsurprised that he could speak. “Once you remember, you can’t turn back.”
“I only know how to run forward anyway.”
“Well then.” Artemis looked up at her with big, sad eyes. “If that is what you choose.” His crescent moon glowed. The light hit her like a bullet. A gun shot—she’d died. The pain she’d forgotten ripped through her. Usagi’s sad eyes as she shot, and Michiru cold body next to her.
Michiru.
Pain and love and a thousand other sensations pushed Haruka to her knees. She’d died, they’d died, and Haruka had been such an ass. And she’d forgotten, how had she forgotten, Michiru had died for her, and now… and now…
“Hey, buddy, it’s okay.” Minako was there, suddenly, rubbing her back. “You’re both alive. Everything is okay. But I know it hurts.”
Haruka wiped the tears off her face, but they kept coming. “Is she… has she remembered?”
“Only if she broke through on her own,” Rei said. “It’s quite hard to be deemed worthy of talking to Ms. Kaioh.”
“I’m going to see her.”
“Haruka, no—“
“Not tonight.” She was a mess tonight, did Mina really think she’d seek out Michiru like this? “Tomorrow.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“She… it just isn’t.”
Haruka’s stomach sank. Mina wouldn’t lie. But still… “I’ve wasted so much time. I don’t want to waste anymore.”
Mina bit her lip. “Then at least let me go with you.”
—-
The morning was sunny and clear. For the first time in recent memory, Haruka woke up feeling whole and hopeful. She’d make things right with Michiru. They hadn’t had to kill anyone, they deserved some happiness, didn’t they?
Mina led the way to a high-end tea shop.
“I can’t afford anything here.”
“Good, let’s leave.”
Mina tugged at her arm, but Haruka froze in place. There she was. Her hair was pulled back today. Haruka had always liked that, yet another thing she should have told her. She would, now. She could just go in, and say how nice Michiru looked, and then Michiru would remember. Of course she would. She loved Haruka, didn’t she? Even as Haruka pretended she felt nothing back. But that was over, and—
And someone sat down across from Michiru. A tall girl, with short brown hair and big muscular arms.
Michiru smiled.
Haruka felt a new wound rip open in her heart. Michiru had never wanted the life they’d had. She’d tried to stop Haruka from joining her, hadn’t she? Haruka thought it was to protect her, but maybe it was something else. Maybe Michiru had never wanted her. Maybe she’d died for guilt, not love.
Mina grabbed Haruka’s hand and squeezed. “I’m sorry, buddy.”
“No. She’s happy now. She should get to be happy. That’s what matters.” She turned away. “Let’s go.”
—-
Her date was talking. Michiru should listen, but listening only made it too clear who she wasn’t with. She looked up through the window.
There she was.
Haruka walked around the corner, holding Minako’s hand. Michiru’s breath caught. Perhaps she had remembered, and chose someone better. Perhaps she hadn’t, and was drawn to Mina on her merits alone. After all, why would she choose Michiru without fate to bind them?
She swallowed her tea, and her feelings with it. Hopefully, Haruka was happy now. That was the important thing. Michiru’s date reached for her hand. She took it.
Angstober Day 1, Alone
I’ll be doing full fics for some of the days, I promise, but I’m kicking off with more of a drabble.
—
Michiru stared at the door. She’d always known this was how it was supposed to be. The brief fantasy otherwise was over; she’d orchestrated its end. By now her plan was to be taking tea to calm her stomach, but she hadn’t found the way to move yet. She stared at the door.
She didn’t expect Haruka to come back through.
She made every effort to ensure she never would again. Not a word passed between them as Haruka packed her bags.
It was better that way.
Haruka was always going to leave. It was only ever a matter of time before she realized she deserved far more than what Michiru could give. If Michiru helped her along in that realization, well, that was better, wasn’t it? Less time wasted on an unlovable creature.
Haruka deserved the world; Michiru deserved nothing. This was right and fair.
And yet.
Michiru stared at the door.
She wasn’t supposed to feel lonely. She hadn’t, before, she’d been the ice queen just like everyone said. But now, even though Haruka was good and kind and should find someone equally worthy, she wanted Haruka to come back. Barge in, say no, they weren’t leaving it at that, she was going to fight for them dammit.
It had happened before.
That was why it wouldn’t happen now.
Michiru looked away from the door. She was alone. Just like she always should have been. In the silence, she curled into herself, her small prison that would hold her forever.
Mina stands up to make her best woman speech at Haruka and Michiru’s wedding. “Alright, I’m sure you all have had enough sappiness today, but I’m here to add a little more. I have some footage from early in their relationship to share with you.”
A video opens on the reception hall’s projector.
The guests and Haruka take a breath of anticipation of something beautiful.
Mina presses play.
It’s just a montage of scenes from Ponyo.
SittingOverHereDreaming 