Part 8 of HaruMichi BatB! Masterpost is here, comments are lifeblood.
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Michiru did not want to be found, yet still Makoto came upon her crying in a dark corner of the cellar. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Yes, I know. You may go.”
“Believe me,” Makoto said, the edge not leaving her voice. “I would love to go. We have been trying to go.”
Michiru stopped crying at once and turned to look at her. She was more solid than she’d been for many years, still translucent around the edges, but unmistakably there.
“We are tied to you. And you won’t even try.”
“I have tried.” Michiru wiped her face. “You think I like this? I have tried and tried, and nothing works.” Nothing, save perhaps misery. “Whatever love story you’ve concocted won’t change this.”
“You underestimate our minds and overestimate our affection.” Makoto crossed her arms. “You know what might work, and you have never told us. It’s something that scares you.”
Michiru did not answer. She should have accounted for Makoto piecing something together, eventually. Neither of her remaining ladies were the most intelligent, but Makoto was not so dull as Usagi.
“I love you, Michiru, I do, but you have kept too much from us. We’ve lost our lives for you, while still having to live.” She stepped up, menacing now that she was more than a ghostly shadow. “Whatever suffering you must do to set us free, I want you to do it.”
Michiru had not felt so small since the change long ago. Mako was tall, and strong, and for all the size and strength her form gave her, Michiru felt a child’s helplessness. “Do you remember Kaori?”
“The herbalist?”
“Yes. She and I… I had my fun with her, and she misunderstood. When everything went sour with the mayor, she thought I might take an interest in marrying her brother, to soothe over whatever wounds I caused and stay with her.”
Mako sighed and put a hand to her head. “And you said no because you didn’t know she was a witch?”
“Of course I knew, she was an herbalist. I just never thought she’d… I thought I was too important for that.”
“Oh, Michiru.” Mako sat down cross-legged in front of her. “What was the curse, exactly?”
“She said I would feel as low as I made everyone else feel, and then a hundred times more.” She dared look up at Makoto, expecting contempt. But Mako’s eyes were soft, and she reached for Michiru’s shoulder. For the first time in as many years as Michiru could remember, her touch was warm.
“However much things hurt, you have us on the other side.”
“You were just furious with me.”
“And here I am on the other side.” Mako pulled her into a hug. Michiru sank into her body and willed herself not to cry at the approximation of touch. “You have to try and be open. I know that’s hard.”
Michiru nodded.
“You’ll have to apologize, and know she might not accept it.” Mako let out a derisive huff of a laugh. “She shouldn’t accept it, and you know it.”
“That I do.”
“You really made it hard on yourself.” Mako patted her on the back.
“May I… may I tell you something else I am afraid of?” It was not quite just a fear, but a hope and a shame and a landslide of every emotion Michiru had ever known.
“Of course.”
“What if…” Her sallow cheeks warmed. “What if she does not reject me? What if the curse never breaks, because… because…”
Mako gave her the saddest smile she had ever seen. “Because she comes to love you as you are?”
Michiru nodded and stared at the floor.
“We’ll have to wait and see, my lady,” she said, and Michiru knew that meant she saw no chance in the matter.
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In the morning, she did her best to make herself presentable. Makoto combed her hair and wound the greasy strands into a plait coiled and the base of her neck. On the one hand, Michiru felt exposed, every sharp bone held bare to the light, but on the other it was perhaps the only pretty thing she could do with herself, and it made her look a little smaller besides. It would not matter, but she could pretend it did until she was faced with the truth.
She came upon Haruka sooner than she meant to. Michiru had expected she would be hard to find, after the previous night, but she came down the hall towards her like a woman on a mission.
“Haruka.” Michiru looked at her feet instead of her eyes. “I would like to apologize.”
“So would I.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Well, I did the one thing you told me not to, didn’t I?” Haruka kicked the toe of her shoe back and forth against the floor. “So I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry. How I reacted was…” Monstrous. “I am…” She squeezed her claws against her scales. “I am exactly this. I am this way because I am like that, not the other way around. You would do well to take your leave of me.”
Haruka did not answer for a long time, but then she whispered. “You do scare me.”
Michiru looked at her, but Haruka looked off into the distance, or at the wall, somewhere Michiru could not meet her eyes.
“You scare me, and sometimes I like you anyway. I don’t know what to do with that.” She hugged her arms around herself. “You were right, last night. I want you to change, so that it would be easier on me.”
“I could never change the way you seek.”
Haruka finally looked at her. “Mina tells me that about girls all the time. But I’m exceptionally stupid.” She half smiled as she said it.
Michiru frowned. “I don’t like that.”
“That I’m stupid?”
“That you insult yourself.”
Haruka smiled fully now. “See, it’s hard to dislike you when you’re such a hypocrite.” She bit her lip. “There’s a thing Mina used to tell me a lot, when I was having a real hard time. She’d say that if I believed the worst of myself, I’d show the worst of myself, and I should cut the bullshit at the source.” She scratched the back of her head. “Easier said than done, but, she was right. Usually is, unfortunately.”
“I do not think there is a better me to show.”
“Well, if you don’t try, there isn’t.” Haruka’s smile faded. “I don’t like being afraid.” She hesitated, and then took a step back. “I’ll see you at dinner, if you want.” She retreated down the hall, likely going as fast as she could without running.
“I’ll try for you,” Michiru said into the space of her absence. “I’m going to try.” Her voice echoed off the walls, leaving her feeling small and exposed with the newly opened cavern of her heart.