Tag: harumichi angstober

Angstober 18/24

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

Major Illness/A Terrible Secret

Another installation of Haruka Dies! Doc and Dreaming’s Angstober fun! I can’t really justify this being late for BOTH prompt days it works for, as it is a) not long (1177 words) and b) more like 3 drabbles strung together than a proper fic. BUT HERE IT IS. Chronologically, this takes place first, then this, this, this, and finally this.

Haruka could never get in the habit of going to the doctor. She took Himeka religiously, not a check up was missed nor a fever unevaluated. Michiru got her encouragement to go as well, even. But Haruka herself? Her mother’s old admonishments played in her head every time. Never mind that they had excellent insurance now, that even without Michiru’s parents’ money they made enough to comfortably cover almost any copay that was thrown at them, Haruka had to suck it up.

It had worked so far. But now here she was, waiting on a blood test to determine what scary unpronounceable word applied to her.

No, none of them applied to her. The doctor was overreacting, saying things to run more tests and get more money. That was what doctors did. If Haruka was really sick, she’d be in bed.

Just that morning, she’d walked Himeka to school. The moment they’d gotten out of Michiru’s watchful gaze, her little girl had lifted up her arms. “Papa, I want to ride!” Haruka hoisted her onto her back, running and jumping along the rode side as Himeka screamed with laughter.

Maybe that had taken more out of her than it should have, but that was part of getting old, wasn’t it? And if she’d gotten a little thin, she just hadn’t been eating enough, her metabolism had always been hard to keep up with. And if she’d passed out at work, that just meant—

“Ms. Tennoh?”

She stood. The doctor’s face was worn with lines behind her glasses. They all converged into an image of worry.

“Is there anyone with you? Anyone you would like us to call?”

Haruka opened her mouth to say her wife, they could call Michiru. But this was bad news. Michiru didn’t deserve bad news in the middle of the day. “No, I’d like to hear this alone.”

—-

Himeka bounded out of the school’s double doors and straight into Haruka’s arms. “Papa! Look what I made!” She held up a paper nearly as long as her arm-span emblazoned with a finger painted pink pig.

“You’re taking after your mama, I see.”

Himeka beamed. “Can you carry me home?”

Haruka hesitated.

You need to take it easy. We’ll run more tests when you come back tomorrow, but it’s very likely that a tumor…

“Of course, princess.” They were wrong, they had to be wrong. She’d fought a goddamn war against aliens and demons and god only knew what else, and if she could get through that then she couldn’t die now. Haruka took Himeka on her shoulders and ran.

“Papa, slow down!”

But she couldn’t. Whatever was inside her was going to catch her, and her old instincts kicked in. Charge into battle or run away. Haruka’s pulse rang in her ears, her heart felt like it was ripping apart with every ragged breath. Himeka leaned in and held onto her for dear life. Haruka hoped she would never let go.

Michiru wasn’t home yet when they got there. “What do you say we make dinner for Mama tonight?”

“Mama wants pizza.”

“Does she?”

Himeka straightened her stance and nodded solemnly. “She ab-sol-ut-el-y does.” She smiled. “That’s a good word, isn’t it?”

“A very good word.” Haruka rummaged in the cupboard to find their pizza pan. “Is it on your vocabulary list?”

“No, Auntie Mina taught it to me.”

Haruka laughed, but it ripped at her throat halfway up and brought tears in her eyes. Where was she going to be when Mina started teaching Himeka less savory things? Who was going to yell at her when she told Himeka about condoms or the best way to pick pocket men? Minako wouldn’t give a flying fuck about any of Michiru’s objections, Haruka had to be there. She grabbed the pan and retreated into the light.

“You’re the smartest girl I’ve ever known, you know that?”

Himeka frowned. “But Kimi is better in—“

“No.” Haruka scooped her up. “You’re my smartest girl.” She ruffled her hair. “And the prettiest, and the bravest, and—“

“Papa stop!” Himeka giggled into her shoulder. “You’re being silly.”

“Am I? I’d better stop, there’s no room for silliness in pizza making.”

There was, it turned out, a lot of room for silliness in pizza making.  By the time Michiru walked in there was a very lopsided pizza in the oven and quite a lot of sauce on the counter and their faces. Not a drop on Himeka’s white shirt, though, Haruka had to proudly note.

Michiru hung her coat on the wrack with a resigned smile. “Sometimes I forget I’m coming home to two children.”

“Mama, we made you dinner!”

“I see that.” She grabbed a paper towel and wiped Himeka’s face. “I trust you kept your Papa in line? We’re not having candy?”

Himeka nodded. “I was very stern.” That was probably a Rei word, Haruka mused. Perhaps Rei…

Michiru peered into the oven. “You even put some vegetables on, well done.”

“Hey.” Haruka wrapped her arms around Michiru from behind. “The spinach was my idea.”

“I’m shocked.” She turned and gave Haruka a peck on the cheek. “But I suppose if you’ve both been so good, we might be able to have the dessert I got from Mako…”

Himeka shrieked with delight.

—-

An ordinary evening had no right to be so beautiful, Haruka mused as she climbed into bed that night. It wasn’t fair for the universe to throw everything she had to lose in her face. She’d get better. She swore to God she’d get better, even if the doctors were right in their suspicions. Michiru and Himeka needed her.

“I got an interesting call today,” Michiru said from the bathroom.

Haruka’s heart dropped. Michiru knew, and would be so scared, and Haruka didn’t want to do this tonight, Michiru didn’t deserve it. “Oh?”

Michiru came into the bedroom. Her robe hung off her shoulders, but she clutched it around her chest. “You fainted at work. Mikey thought I should know.”

Damn it, Mikey. She’d have to talk to him about this, she didn’t call his wife about personal business. But it wasn’t the hospital, and that was something. “Yeah, I… I guess I didn’t eat enough or something.”

A lie for protection was alright, wasn’t it?

Michiru’s brow knotted. “You have been…” She pressed her lips together. She’d noticed, then, that Haruka had lost weight. Haruka prayed that was all.  “I guess we’ll have to make pancakes in the morning to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Haruka smiled, but a hurricane roared inside her. “Come here.”

Michiru climbed onto the bed. Haruka put her hands on her waist, thumbs caressing the fabric over her hips. “I love you.” She pressed her head into her neck. “So much.”

“I love you, Haruka.” Her arms wrapped around Haruka’s body, one hand tangling into her hair. “Please never scare me like that again.”

“I won’t.” Haruka would keep her secret until she got better. She kissed along the edge of Michiru’s robe. “I promise.”

Angstober 22

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

“Imagine the doctor telling one of them, “She’s gonna go at any moment.” and so the other is struggling to say awake and be with them in the last moment, but eventually falls asleep, and while she’s asleep the other just slips away”

I’VE BEEN SLACKING FOR TOO LONG (the last two weeks have been an absolute whirlwind).  A continuation from Day 5. ~700 words

She’d watched them leave.  Michiru’s mother had at least had the decency to cry, but she’d let her husband escort her out with a firm hand. “There’s nothing we can do. We’ll only be in the doctor’s way.” They hadn’t so much as looked at Haruka, tucked into the corner of the waiting room. She felt a wave of a feeling too twisted to name. Staying here wouldn’t put them in the way, it was what a waiting room was for, and the doctors had said all they could do was ease Michiru’s pain anyway, shouldn’t they want to be with her instead of their socialite dinner guests? Hadn’t Haruka been right about them all along? But that was what brought Michiru here. Haruka could not resent them. 

She found her way to Michiru’s room in their wake. It was too bright for the time of night, too bright for the injuries she’d sustained. The purples and blues and horrible garish reds that mottled her skin were thrown into too strong a contrast with the sterile white surroundings. Michiru would have said something about color composition. She did that sometimes, illuminating the art that could be found in life for Haruka’s uncultured appreciation. But Michiru couldn’t say anything now. A tube ran down her throat to keep her breathing.

“Excuse me.” A nurse tapped on Haruka’s shoulder. “It’s family only now.”

“I’m…” Haruka cleared her throat. “I’m her sister.” 

The nurse eyed her lanky frame, then Michiru’s delicate broken body in the bed. Cousin, why hadn’t she said cousin? That was family, and more believable. Haruka could do nothing right. But then the nurse cast her eyes to Haruka’s face, and her gaze softened.  

“She’s going to go at any moment. We can’t do anything more.” She patted Haruka’s back. “It’s good if she has someone.” 

Haruka didn’t want to try her luck by climbing into Michiru’s bed, so she pulled the hard plastic chair they gave her as close as she could. “Hey, Michi.” Her hand was the wrong shape, they hadn’t bothered setting the bones in light of the rest of the damage they couldn’t fix. Haruka held it anyway. Michiru had taken such care of her hands. An artist’s pride, she’d always said.  Her callouses her still there, the only thing that felt right to the touch. 

“I’m—“ Haruka’s breath caught. “Let’s run away together. We don’t need this place, I’ve been saving up money.” She stroked Michiru’s hair. It was still beautiful, even tangled and bloody as it was. “I was gonna buy you a ring, a real nice one, but that can wait.” Haruka tried to smile. “You know I love you, even if I can’t do all the things I’m supposed to for you. I want to take care of you as best I can.”

She would have, she swore she would have. She never could have given Michiru the life she was used to, but she’d have done everything she could to make up for it. Haruka loved her. Wasn’t that something more than she’d had? Money couldn’t buy that. Her parents had it all, and they didn’t even bother to stay, that wasn’t love. Haruka was here for her. 

Even though Haruka put her here.  

“I’m sorry.” Haruka kissed Michiru’s gnarled hand. “They were right about me, weren’t they? I did ruin you.” She cried then, hating that it was more for herself than for Michiru. If she loved her, she should have stayed at the goddamn dinner. She’d left, just like Michiru’s parents, how could she hate them for it?  
“I won’t leave you again. I’m gonna be here. I’m here Michiru.” She rested her head on her pillow. “You’re not gonna be alone.”

She stroked Michiru’s marred cheek. The heart monitor beeped like clockwork as all Haruka’s emotions began weighing heavily on her eyelids. She had to stay awake until it stopped. She had to be here. And maybe it would never stop, and there would be a miracle, and she had to be awake…

Someone was shaking her. “Sweetie, you… we have to move her.”

Haruka’s head shot up. The heart monitor was switched off. Michiru’s skin was cold. 

There had been just one thing Haruka could do for her, and she’d failed.

Angstober Day 7

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

“Imagine one of these two assholes is terminally ill, but decides not to tell the other because REASONS I GUESS”

This was supposed to be a standalone thing, but it ended up fitting pretty well as a possible lead in to Doc’s prequel to my Day 3. But that’s complicated and not really necessary, so here goes. ~580 words, and a warning that it’s not edited very thoroughly because my alarm didn’t go off this morning.

—–

“I’m calling her.”

Haruka crossed her arms. The hospital gown ruined any effect it might have had. “I thought you’d on my side in this.”

Mina took a deep breath. “I am always on your side. But there aren’t any sides right now. I don’t have any love for the squidly queen, but she’s your wife.”

“And that’s why she doesn’t need to know. She’ll worry.”

Mina was this close to pulling out her hair.  Of course Michiru would worry, Mina was fucking worried. The doctor had laid out the odds. Haruka was dammned if she had the surgery, damned if she didn’t. And of course Mina couldn’t cry, if Mina cried finding out Haruka would never be convinced tell Michiru.

“I’m going to be okay, Mina. We’ve always been one in a million, haven’t we?”

Organ failure, the doctor’s words echoed in Mina’s head. Possible brain death. “What about Himeka?”

Haruka sat down on the bed. “Her class is reading Charlotte’s Web. Hopefully I’ll be home before they reach the end, she’s not ready for that.”

“Goddamnit Haruka, stop this. You can’t just pretend this isn’t happening.”

“That’s not…” Her eyes were glassy. “I’ve been reading a lot, Ami would be proud. Patients who believe they’re gonna be okay survive more than those who don’t.” She grabbed Mina’s hand. “I can’t keep believing if everyone says goodbye.”

The paper sheets crinkled as Mina say down too. “Why call me then?”

“I wasn’t going to. But I needed someone.” She looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ll have to make it up to me later. Buy all my drinks next karaoke night.”

Haruka smiled. “I don’t make enough in a week to cover everything you drink.”

Mina forced herself to smile. “Better start saving then.”

They talked awhile about meaningless things, things that slipped through Mina’s mind like water no matter how much she tried to remember them later. Then the nurses swarmed in to prep Haruka.

“You have to go.”

“One hug. For good luck.”

Haruka didn’t argue, and she didn’t protest Mina holding on just a little too long. Mina needed to memorize this, bottle the feeling up for when Haruka wasn’t here.  “I’ll see you on the other side.”

“You don’t have to stay here.”

“Okay,” Mina said, as though there were the even the faintest possibility she was setting foot outside the hospital until she knew the outcome. One of the nurses ushered her into the waiting room.

It wasn’t like the waiting room for a normal doctor or the dentist or Mina’s favorite masseuse. There was no television showing the morning talk shows, no friendly issues of gossip magazines. Only scared people avoiding eye contact with all the other scared people. They all knew someone in the room would get bad news. You all don’t have to worry. It’s me today. Fuck Haruka, hiding this until the last possible moment. Fuck her, it was probably the car fumes that fucked her up in the first place, it was all her fault for picking a career like that. Fuck her for putting Mina in this position, fuck her fuck her fuck her.

Mina’s breath caught in a sob. All the scared people kept their eyes averted. No one wanted to acknowledge pain that wasn’t their own. She cried alone until her phone vibrated. There were signs plastered on every wall commanding her not to use it, but Mina didn’t care. Rei’s number flashed on her screen, a shine of something like hope.

“Hello?” Her throat was scratchy.

“Where are you? I’ve been wa—“

“I need you to come to the hospital.

Bring Michiru.”

Angstober Day 3- “It hurts”

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

This one is short, ~400 words, but I’m sticking it under a cut because writing it fucked up my day.

“It hurts.”

Michiru cradled Himeka’s little body in her arms. “I know, I’m sorry.”

She looked up with her big brown eyes. Her whole face was wet with tears. “Make it stop.”

Would that I could. Michiru pressed her face into Himeka’s hair. “I can’t, bear. I can’t fix this.”

Himeka was silent for a long moment. “Papa could fix anything with her tools,” she said slowly. It wasn’t meant to be an accusation, but Michiru felt its sting.

“She could.” She swallowed hard. “And the doctors tried hard with their tools, they really did.”

“But they’re not Papa,” Himeka said with finality, as though if Haruka had only operated on herself with a wrench, she’d be here. Michiru but the inside of her cheek. She promised herself Himeka wouldn’t see her cry. It was bad enough that she had to cry herself, she’d didn’t need the muck of Michiru’s feelings.  

“Mama?”

“Yes, bear?”

“I’m going to make this better.” Himeka wriggled off her lap and ran into the hall. Michiru couldn’t tell her to walk. Haruka had always ran, always said Himeka had to run in the house if she was going to race like Papa one day.

Himeka came back with a small box in hand. She climbed onto the bed next to Michiru and pulled out a bandaid. Little stars dotted it, for Papa’s little star.

With clumsy fingers, she stuck it on her shirt, on the left side of her chest. No, Michiru realized—over her heart. She put a second on Michiru in the same place. A pat with her chubby hand, and then a quick kiss. Just like Haruka always did when she scrapped her knee.

“There. We’re gonna be okay.” She sat and swung her legs back and forth. “It just might take some time.”

Michiru took a deep breath. “You sound just like your Papa. She’d be proud.”

Himeka leaned into her. “I still love her a lot.”

“You always will.” She rubbed her back. “I always will, too.”

Himeka dozed off slowly, spurts of hiccupping herself back awake until she finally gave way to a tiny snore. Michiru tucked her into the covers. She laid next to her instead of going to her own bed across the hall. Quietly as she could, she let herself cry into the pillow until she fell asleep.

Angstober Day 2- And there she was, in love with someone else

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

So Doc has been talking a lot about episode 111, and that led me to this. AU where being brought back to life entails a season 1- style memory wipe. ~1200 words. ETA: AO3 link, for those who prefer reading on there since this is more fic-length than yesterday’s.

There was a girl she saw sometimes that made her feel nostalgic. Haruka didn’t know why. She was sure they’d never met; she’d remember someone with such big gestures and a hairstyle like that. But sometimes their eyes would meet, and the girl would stop smiling, and Haruka would feel her own contentedness cave in, like it was suspended over a gaping hole inside her with fabric all too ready to tear.

She’d had enough of it, she decided one day.

Haruka marched up to her, ignoring her dark-haired friend. “Do I know you?”

The girl’s eyes went wide. She opened her mouth, closed it, grabbed her pigtails for support. “No.” She shook her head. “No. I have to go, I’m um, meeting Mamoru to study. Bye!”

I doubt that’s true, Haruka thought, though she couldn’t place why.

The girl’s friend stayed put. Her violet eyes raked over Haruka’s face. “You remember her.”

Haruka wasn’t sure how to answer.

“Usagi thinks it’s better if you stay how you are. That’s what she’d want. But you have a choice, if you want it.”

“A choice for what?”

The dark haired girl pursed her lips. “Do you know where Hikawa shrine is?”

“I think so, but that doesn’t answer—“

“Come there tonight. We’ll tell you everything then.”

“What? Who’s we? Why are you—“

“Save your questions. I don’t have time for the answers right now.” The girl turned and left.

—-

Logic would say not to go to the shrine. Logic would say when a mysterious girl lures you somewhere after dark without telling you anything, even her name, nothing good was going to happen.

But logic, Haruka mused as she climbed the stairs, had never really been her strong point.

Two girls waited for her at the top, the dark haired one, now in miko robes, and a blonde with a white cat in her lap.

“This is weird.”

“You have no idea,” the blonde said. “I’m Minako, the one with a stick up her butt is Rei—“

“Hey!”

“And this is Artemis.” The cat turned, and, Haruka swore, smiled. He had a crescent moon on his forehead. What the hell was going on?

“Um,” she fumbled to find a response. “I’m Har—“

“Haruka, we know.”

“Tone it down, Rei, we’re trying not to freak her out.”

It definitely wasn’t working. “You know, I think I’m actually just going to go. I think I… left the oven on.” She winced. Brilliant excuse, that was.

“Wait!” Minako stood up. “There’s an ache, deep down in your soul where you can’t seem to reach, like someone cut something out of you and left the wound open.”

“How—“

“It happened to us, once,” Rei said. “Months of dreaming of things we wanted but couldn’t remember, always waking up mourning a loss we couldn’t identify.”

“How did you make it stop?”

Minako wrapped her arms around herself. “You have to give up being an ordinary girl. Spend your life fighting.”

There was something familiar about her, the two of them. “You’re… “ Venus. Mars. The sailor soldiers that made the news every so often, though Haruka felt the pull of a deeper connection. “Am I one of you?”

“You could be, if that’s a life you want to take on.” Minako put a hand on her shoulder. “Either choice is a sacrifice. We can never truly forget what we are. But it’s not an easy life.”

“My life already isn’t easy.” She should slow down, think it through, but it had always been more her style to run into things head on. “If there’s something I’m supposed to be, I want to be it.”

“Are you sure?” the cat asked. Haruka found herself unsurprised that he could speak. “Once you remember, you can’t turn back.”

“I only know how to run forward anyway.”

“Well then.” Artemis looked up at her with big, sad eyes. “If that is what you choose.” His crescent  moon glowed. The light hit her like a bullet. A gun shot—she’d died. The pain she’d forgotten ripped through her. Usagi’s sad eyes as she shot, and Michiru cold body next to her.

Michiru.

Pain and love and a thousand other sensations pushed Haruka to her knees. She’d died, they’d died, and Haruka had been such an ass. And she’d forgotten, how had she forgotten, Michiru had died for her, and now… and now…

“Hey, buddy, it’s okay.” Minako was there, suddenly, rubbing her back. “You’re both alive. Everything is okay. But I know it hurts.”

Haruka wiped the tears off her face, but they kept coming. “Is she… has she remembered?”

“Only if she broke through on her own,” Rei said. “It’s quite hard to be deemed worthy of talking to Ms. Kaioh.”

“I’m going to see her.”

“Haruka, no—“

“Not tonight.” She was a mess tonight, did Mina really think she’d seek out Michiru like this? “Tomorrow.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“She… it just isn’t.”

Haruka’s stomach sank. Mina wouldn’t lie. But still… “I’ve wasted so much time. I don’t want to waste anymore.”

Mina bit her lip. “Then at least let me go with you.”

—-

The morning was sunny and clear. For the first time in recent memory, Haruka woke up feeling whole and hopeful. She’d make things right with Michiru. They hadn’t had to kill anyone, they deserved some happiness, didn’t they?

Mina led the way to a high-end tea shop.

“I can’t afford anything here.”

“Good, let’s leave.”

Mina tugged at her arm, but Haruka froze in place. There she was. Her hair was pulled back today. Haruka had always liked that, yet another thing she should have told her. She would, now. She could just go in, and say how nice Michiru looked, and then Michiru would remember. Of course she would. She loved Haruka, didn’t she? Even as Haruka pretended she felt nothing back. But that was over, and—

And someone sat down across from Michiru. A tall girl, with short brown hair and big muscular arms.

Michiru smiled.

Haruka felt a new wound rip open in her heart. Michiru had never wanted the life they’d had. She’d tried to stop Haruka from joining her, hadn’t she? Haruka thought it was to protect her, but maybe it was something else. Maybe Michiru had never wanted her. Maybe she’d died for guilt, not love.

Mina grabbed Haruka’s hand and squeezed. “I’m sorry, buddy.”

“No. She’s happy now. She should get to be happy. That’s what matters.” She turned away. “Let’s go.”

—-

Her date was talking. Michiru should listen, but listening only made it too clear who she wasn’t with. She looked up through the window.

There she was.

Haruka walked around the corner, holding Minako’s hand. Michiru’s breath caught. Perhaps she had remembered, and chose someone better. Perhaps she hadn’t, and was drawn to Mina on her merits alone. After all, why would she choose Michiru without fate to bind them?

She swallowed her tea, and her feelings with it. Hopefully, Haruka was happy now. That was the important thing. Michiru’s date reached for her hand. She took it.

Angstober Day 1, Alone

~ sittingoverheredreaming ~ Leave a comment

I’ll be doing full fics for some of the days, I promise, but I’m kicking off with more of a drabble.

—

Michiru stared at the door. She’d always known this was how it was supposed to be. The brief fantasy otherwise was over; she’d orchestrated its end. By now her plan was to be taking tea to calm her stomach, but she hadn’t found the way to move yet. She stared at the door.

She didn’t expect Haruka to come back through.

She made every effort to ensure she never would again. Not a word passed between them as Haruka packed her bags.

It was better that way.

Haruka was always going to leave. It was only ever a matter of time before she realized she deserved far more than what Michiru could give. If Michiru helped her along in that realization, well, that was better, wasn’t it? Less time wasted on an unlovable creature.

Haruka deserved the world; Michiru deserved nothing. This was right and fair.

And yet.

Michiru stared at the door.

She wasn’t supposed to feel lonely. She hadn’t, before, she’d been the ice queen just like everyone said. But now, even though Haruka was good and kind and should find someone equally worthy, she wanted Haruka to come back. Barge in, say no, they weren’t leaving it at that, she was going to fight for them dammit.

It had happened before.

That was why it wouldn’t happen now.

Michiru looked away from the door. She was alone. Just like she always should have been. In the silence, she curled into herself, her small prison that would hold her forever.