UM YES PLS BEST USE OF ENGLISH DEGREE

MY FAVORITE THING MIGHT BE THAT ALGERNON!MINA IS JUST TROLLING THE FUCK OUT OF THE KAIOHS.

“Oh I’m sorry Lady Kaioh we’re out of cucumber sandwiches. I don’t know how this happened.”

“Lots of people can play music accurately but I play with expression (unlike a certain cold-hearted lady).” 

Although Rei and Michiru trolling Mina and Haruka with the whole “I only want to marry you if that’s your real name thing” is a real close second (because they would know from the beginning, absolutely. Haruka cannot sell this lie convincingly to save her life. Mina could, but not to Rei.)

ALSO. In trying to come up with a girl’s name in place of Ernest, I thought of Chastity and I just. IMAGINE MINAKO TRYING TO CONVINCE REI THAT IS HER NAME AND ALSO HER VIRTUE.

I’m having a really self indulgent day so HERE’S SOME SUPER SELF INDULGENT FIC. There is literally no point in this except I’m being a feelings blob and projecting it on Haruka. 

The Letter
~800 words

Haruka figured it was a blessing the box arrived when Michiru wasn’t home. She wasn’t exactly the best at hiding things anyway, and she knew there was no way she’d have controlled her face when she saw “C. Tennoh” in the return address line. Her first thought was to chuck it. Throw it out unopened, keep the happy distance she’d maintained these past several years.

But she was curious. The unopened box would loom larger in her mind than whatever demon was stuffed inside.

She did not need scissors to break it open. If Haruka used too much tape to wrap things– and she was assured she did by Mina every birthday– her mother used far too little. There was a note among the crumbled newspaper packing, distinguishable only because her mother had used a red pen.

Haruka

I saw your engagement in the paper. I thought you might like to have some of this.

Love

Mom

Haruka felt relieved she’d written nothing more. No questions, no requests for a reply. It was just the bare minimum for Haruka’s mother to feel she had Done Something, and then they could both continue with their lives. That was probably the best wedding gift Haruka could ask for.

Still, though, there was the question of what she’d actually sent. Haruka lifted the first newspaper slowly. Nestled beneath was a wooden car covered in dinosaur stickers– Haruka’s first racer. She smiled at that. She’d forgotten about it entirely. Beneath that was an item more carefully wrapped. Haruka pulled the paper off gingerly to reveal a mug, the last remaining piece of her grandmother’s china set, saved from sale by a broken and glued handle. Something caught in her throat; Haruka had not expected anything actually thoughtful. She set it on the table with shaking hands.

There seemed to be nothing left in the box, but as Haruka emptied the rest of the crumpled newspapers she spotted an envelope at the bottom.

TO: FUTURE ME (Haruka) was scrawled in big letters across the front. There had been some assignment in middle school, Haruka recalled, to write a letter to your future self. She could not remember when they were supposed to open them. Now seemed as good a time as any. The seal on the back was already ripped. Haruka chose not to think on whether it was a teacher or her mother who’d read it.

Dear Future Me,

I’m not really sure what to say. I hope you exist, I guess. They said we’re supposed to talk about our hopes and stuff, so I’ll do that.

I hope you I you have a really cool car. Maybe you spent a lot of money on it. I hope you have a lot of money to spend on cars. I also hope you have a really beuti beautiful wi handsome h beautiful wife. They said no one would read these so I can say that. I hope she is more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever seen and she loves you a lot. And you love her. That would be really cool. But if it doesn’t happen I hope I don’t make you feel bad. Maybe love’s not for us you me.

I think I can count this as two paragraphs. That’s the minimum. I think I’m also supposed to say I hope you don’t do drugs, but I don’t care.

Sincerly,

Haruka (age 12)

Haruka was caught somewhere between laughing and crying. She found herself with a pen and paper before she could think it through.

Hey little buddy,

You might not believe this, but love is for us me you. I promise you’re gonna have the most beautiful wife in the world. I’m gonna marry her in June. Hang in there.

Sincerely,

Haruka (age 26)

Haruka read it over and picked up the phone. “Hey, Sets, I uh. I have a really big favor to ask.”

—-

“Excuse me,” a tall, dark woman stood up from the park bench as Haruka ran past. She stopped. “Are you Haruka?”

“Uhm.” Haruka eyed the woman cautiously. She didn’t look like anyone from the school, which was a relief. There was something kinder in her eyes than what Haruka was used to seeing in teachers. “Maybe.”

“I have a letter for you.” She reached into the pocket of her jacket and pulled out an envelope.

“You what?” Haruka took it. TO: PAST ME (Haruka). “Is this a joke?”

But suddenly, the woman was gone.

There was, she supposed, no harm in opening it. She did, and read it slowly. It was a joke, it had to be. Someone read her letter and thought they’d have a laugh. They’d even mimicked her writing. Jerk.

And yet… she slipped it into her pocket instead of throwing it away. A little part of Haruka’s heart clung to the possibility it was real. She couldn’t deny, as she started running again, that she felt just a little bit lighter. Maybe, maybe, good things were coming someday.

In times of trouble, my roommate comes to me and speaks words of wisdom.

Usually, “You’re a dumbass.”

Haruka/Mina WORKING AT A DEPARTMENT STORE AU

Haruka appraised herself in the mirror one last time. She looked dapper, but not too dapper. A reasonable dapper, a personable dapper. Or, she thought so at least. She swallowed hard and left the locker room. She needed this job, however much she doubted she’d do well– there wasn’t even an automotive section here.

The customer service desk was a drab affair, and the worker behind it looked neither personable or dapper.

“Er, hi.” Haruka rubbed her palms on her pants. “I was told to look for a Ms. Aino? It’s my first day.”

The worker sighed and picked up the desk phone. “Minako to customer service.”

Minutes passed. The worker said nothing. Haruka thought it best to follow suit.

“You must be Haruka.”

Whatever Haruka had expected in her manager, Minako Aino was not it. She was younger than Haruka by the looks of it, with long blonde hair and a variation on the uniform that looked like it should be drawn in a pin up calendar.

“You’re gonna do well here, I can tell.”

Haruka did not ask why she thought so. Haruka couldn’t quite find the words to say anything.

“Here in this fine establishment, we have two rules. One. Sell shit. Two. No hitting the customers. We used to only have one rule, but then my predecessor made us realize the need for rule number two.”

Haruka could not tell if she was being serious. Minako led her to the jewelry counter. “This is our domain.”

“Um, this isn’t where I thought they’d put me.”

Minako smiled. “My buddy who interviewed you knew this was your place. He likes to send me the genuine ones. Balances me out.”

“I see.”

Minako gave her a playful punch in the shoulder. “Don’t worry so much. We’re gonna get along great.”

Whatever she had implied about being insincere, Haruka found she believed her.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I see Haruka as a p big Star Wars fan, and someone who loves Han and projects on to him like there’s no tomorrow.

So I’ve been like, lol how many tissues would she need in TFA, how long does Michiru have to comfort her, etc. But I just realized it’s not Han’s death that would fuck her up the worst. It’s that Han is perceived by his child to be a bad parent. One of Haruka’s worst fears and suspicions about herself, played out in her childhood hero. 

Sparkle Sparkle It’s a Fic :D

My sparklee is none other than @rosepetalrevolution, and as soon as I saw the prompt “PMMM-style AU”, I knew what I had to write. I had a lot of fun with it (and a lot of trouble, lol) so I hope you enjoy it! ~2400 words, and I’d call this BroTP focused, though HaruMichi and Reinako are present.

Minako Magica

“Listen, there’s something off about her lately. “

Haruka rolled her eyes and kept walking. “I’m not asking you two to get along. But—“

“This isn’t about me.” Mina dug her nails into her palm. “I’m worried for you.” There was something in the back of her mind she couldn’t quite call forward. Whenever she saw Michiru, the hairs on the back of her neck prickled and her body tensed as if ready to fight. Something had changed. Minako had never been afraid of the girl, no matter what power her family’s money gave her. “You can feel it too, however much you want to ignore it.”

“She’s… she’s just Michiru.”

Mina noted it wasn’t a no. “Haruka…”

The sunny road around them went dark. Purple shadows danced around them like snakes charmed out of the darkness. Images of smiling faces rained down from a domed black sky.

The most startling thing, to Mina, was that it didn’t feel startling at all. Her immediate thought was Not again and her hand reached for something on her belt that wasn’t there.

Haruka’s back pressed up to hers, and she knew she felt the same way. “What the hell?”

“Another witch.” The words were out before Mina could process them. Another? When had she faced this unreality before?

The shadow struck at them. Despite their insubstantial appearance, every hit they landed stung.  Mina and Haruka split to dodge.

“What do we do?”

“Run,” Mina called out.
“Where? There’s no end!”

“There has to be.” Mina spun around the way they came, but it was the same rounded darkness as in front of them.

“Stay still!” a sharp voice called out. A stream of arrows followed, piecing each shadow and dissolving it into a poof a glitter.

“I’m surprised Miss Deathbringer herself hasn’t come to save you,” came a deeper voice, soon followed by the appearance of a tall brunette girl. Her muscular frame was offset by a green dress bedecked by pink bows and frills but matched by the large hammer slung over her shoulder.

“She’ll be coming.” A smaller girl with streaming black hair leapt down from somewhere Mina couldn’t see. Her outfit was simpler, a long white tunic with a red sash, but she too carried a weapon– a long, exquisitely curved black bow. A bright red jewel was set into the strap of her quiver. “She has felt the danger now.”

“What is going on?”

The new comers turned to Haruka. “It’s a witch,” the larger one said.

The smaller one, who, Mina couldn’t help but notice, was strikingly pretty, squared her shoulders. “You don’t want to know anything more than that.”

“We do.” Mina faced her. “There’s something that’s been happening for awhile, and you’re going to explain it.”

The girl’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t take orders from you now.”

“Rei. We don’t have time.”

She scowled. “Fine. They’ll have to come with us.” Her hand wrapped around Mina’s wrist. A spark leapt up her arm, from a memory she couldn’t grasp or something else Mina couldn’t be sure. They ran forward until the shadows broke upon a larger dome. At the center a dark mass writhed and twisted, flickering like static.

“Mako, go left.” The larger girl nodded and darted away. “You two, stay close.” Rei drew an arrow.

“Aim true,” Mina said automatically.

The smallest smile played on Rei’s lips. “Always.” Her shot landed at the heart of the writhing mass. A screech like crumpling metal washed over them. “And Michiru will be coming right about… now.”

Mina didn’t see her at first. It took a long moment for her eyes to notice the dot of green amongst the black. Her outfit called to mind a Victorian mourning dress, though it was short enough to show her knee high black boots. She bore no weapon. One pale hand reached out to the shadow.

They were back in the light of day.

Michiru picked something up from the street. Mako’s hammer slammed down next to her. “We kept her safe, so you’ll share.”

“Naturally. I’d think you’d be more trusting by now.” She handed the thing, a small black needle with a stylized eye, over. Mina noticed how careful they were not to touch each other.

“I told you something was up with your girlfr…” Mina turned back to Haruka. Her face was in her hands, her whole body was shaking. “What’s wrong?”

“You… you…”

“Minako. You need to leave.” Rei grabbed at her arm, but she shrugged her off.

“Buddy, you gotta talk to me, come on.” Mina reached out to pat Haruka’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” Haruka reeled back, her eyes wide and full of tears. “I remember… I remember what you did… you were… I… I…”

“Haruka.” Michiru’s voice was sharp and soft at the same time in a way Minako could not comprehend. “None of that matters. It no longer happened.”

“I remember,” she repeated as though she hadn’t heard. “I remember.” Something glowed at her chest, a pure yellow rapidly blotted out with darkness.

“No.” Michiru dove for her, but Mako tackled her down.

“Rei!”

Before she could draw an arrow, the light exploded. The same sort of needle Michiru had held a moment ago appeared and burst open. The street again was gone, replaced by a tumultuous but shallow sea. An island of swords lay before them, pinning down something the water hid from view.  Where the light hit each blade a different memory played. Mina and Haruka as kids in the park, Mina and Haruka passing notes at school. Mina and Haruka fighting back to back in gaudy capes.

Mina could not remember the latter.

She felt its vital importance.

“You will tell me what is going on. Now.”

“And then there will be three witches,” Michiru spat from under Mako. “But go on, find out, maybe then you can help protect her for once.”

“No one else is turning.” Mako pressed the first needle to the gem on Michiru’s waist clasp. “Not you, not her.”

“I won’t let you kill Haruka.”

“She’s gone. For good this time.”

Michiru threw Mako off with a strength Minako wouldn’t have believed had she not seen it. Mako’s skin was gray where Michiru’s hands had touched her. She lay panting in the water. Michiru approached the island of swords.

“Let her go,” Rei said quietly. “There’s nothing she can do.” Her eyes landed on Mina’s with unparalleled intensity. “She might be right about you though. It’s not a pleasant memory. And if Haruka can become a witch without being a magical girl, even I can’t know what may happen with you.”

“Have an arrow ready.”

“You couldn’t forget your role as commander, could you?” Rei grunted, but she drew an arrow and pressed it into Mina’s chest with one hand.

“Might as well cop a feel, might be your last chance.”

Rei did not smile. “Are you ready?”

“Absolutely.”

She touched her other hand to Mina’s forehead. The truth opened up in her mind like a storybook. Kyubey’s approach, Mina convincing Haruka to make a wish with her. “We’ll be heroes, isn’t that what you always wanted?” I wish to never be overshadowed, I wish to be admired. She’d hounded Haruka for her wish.

“If I tell you, it won’t come true.”

“That’s not how this works, dummy.”

Kyubey agreed, but Haruka never gave in.

They fought for months just the two of them, back to back, side by side. It was glorious. Mina won talent show after talent show. That was glorious. All life had to offer was theirs. Other magical girls began joining them. Minako lead, and they listened. Rei bickered, but it was charged with something more than insubordination. Minako delighted in the inevitable end of their games.

It was right, until it all went wrong.

Nothing had felt dangerous, really, not until Ami’s soul gem lay shattered next to the grief seed of their latest kill. Doubts crept into Mina’s mind.

And then she found her sister, small precious Usagi, in the belly of a witch.

“Look, Mina! Now I’m just like you!”

I wish to be admired.

The witch launched a bolt through Usagi’s chest. Her eyes went wide as blood poured over the costume that replicated Minako’s so closely.

Minako lead, and people followed her straight unto their deaths.

The echo of her despair washed over her now, how her grief had hatched from her body into something so big and destructive she could only remember spurts. But she remembered Haruka pleading, and she remembered Haruka crumpled at what might have been her feet. Michiru came, and then Kyubey.

“What would you do to bring her back?”

“Anything.”

Mina gripped Rei’s fist, pressed the arrow tip hard against her sternum, but her grief did not hatch a second time. She had killed Haruka, had as good as killed Ami and Usagi, and it hurt but she did not change.

“We’ll fix this.”

Kyubey appeared in the water. “You’ve all made your wishes.”

Mako’s hammer slammed down on him. “Damn you for misleading us all.” Her knuckles were white against the hammer. “He’d lead us all into despair. Don’t give him the satisfaction.”

“We can’t save her,” Rei said. She lacked gentleness, always had, but Mina felt her trying. “I doubt, even, that we can save Michiru.”

The green haired girl stood in the surf. The swords had begun to awaken. They lifted themselves slowly, playing images now of Haruka reaching for Michiru, and Michiru turning away. Michiru keeping her hands in her pockets as they walked. Haruka trying, trying to figure out what changed, to figure out what she’d done.

“I did it for you. It was the only way.”

A sword launched at her, and for a moment Minako was sure she would not dodge. Michiru turned just in time. The blade buried itself in the water.

Michiru’s gem clouded again. “Please, Haruka.”

Minako clenched her fists. The power she’d once had would not come now. It hardly mattered. “We will save Michiru. It’s what Haruka would have wanted.”

Rei sighed, but a spark of determination flitted across her eyes. “Go.”

Minako made her way towards the swords. “It’s me you want, not her. I did this to you, to her, it’s my fault.”

The swords stilled. Minako had the brief thought that maybe reason could work, maybe Kyubey had always lied about being able to talk down witches. But then the thing beneath the swords ripped itself up.

It dripped like water—no, too thick, like blood. Hunks of it stayed pinned beneath the blades, but it was doggish in shape, with navy goop instead of fur. Luminous yellow eyes bore down on Minako.

To Michiru’s credit, she did not flinch away.

Every drip hissed as it hit the water. Minako had a sinking feeling she would find out what sound it would make when it hit skin. “I’m sorry isn’t enough, I know. I should never have convinced you to do this. I should never have done it.”

One large paw shot out. Mina dodged and the whole thing fell into the water, only strings of liquid holding it to the main body.

“I can’t blame you for lashing out. I did the same thing.”

Michiru touched the fallen paw. It shrank down and disappeared. “I have become ruinous. I should have told you, but I didn’t want you to remember.”

The doggish shape whined. The swords turned upwards from the ground and pierced its underbelly. Dark goo poured down. The shape lashed out at them again, again. It struck Michiru. She fell with a bright white burn contorting her face. The beast turned on itself, contorting into painful shapes to bite its own flesh.

“Haruka,” Michiru breathed.

Two realizations hit Minako—one, that this really was still Haruka, two, that she had a plan. A stupid plan, maybe, but a plan. She turned back. Rei had an arrow drawn, aimed at the beast’s heart, Mako had her hammer ready to launch. “You will hold your fire until I say, or until I am dead.” She looked to Michiru. “You will make sure they do.”

“I will do more than that.”

You’ll kill me yourself if Haruka dies again. But it didn’t matter. Maybe it would even be enough to keep Michiru alive if she failed.

Minako walked forward. She was not a magical girl. She’d spent her soul and become a witch. By rights, she should not exist.

Kyubey had said they’d all made their wishes.

But maybe, just maybe, there had been a but on the end of it. If no one asked, he’d never say.

She gripped the hilt of one of the swords. “I wish to find Haruka, whole and alive.” She pulled it out of the dripping belly. Dark liquid came with it, splashing and burning her skin. “I wish to find Haruka, whole and alive.” Another sword, more burns.

“I wish.”

Her arms were covered in blisters and angry red welts.

“I wish.”

Tears stung at her eyes, every splash and splatter stung at her cheeks, her neck.

“I wish.”

Her strength began to fail, a sword came out and swung into her leg.

“I wish.”

The world narrowed to this pain.

“I wish!”

And Kyubey heard.

She felt her soul separate and condense into a gem. She transformed, not into her old costume but into something like her school uniform, how Haruka had known and liked her best. The dog’s legs gave out, Minako dug into the dark liquid as it crashed down on her.

Her hands found Haruka, warm and safe and alive. The witch world faded. Minako cried into her shoulder.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

Haruka held her tightly. “Do you know what my wish was?”

Mina could only shake her head.

“I wished we’d both get through this alive. And you made it come true.” Her grip tightened. “I’m so sorry I doubted you.”

They sobbed into each other for a long while, from relief, from grief, from guilt. Finally, Minako’s eyes met Michiru’s. There was, likely, more grief yet to be had. She prayed it could wait. An hour, a day, just some separation between tragedies.

“Well,” Mako said gently. “I think we all could use some cake.”

They walked off all together. Haruka held Mina’s right hand, and, to Mina’s great surprise, Rei took her left. Minako felt a warmth much quieter than their usual fire. On the other side, Michiru let Haruka link her arm through hers, careful to keep her jacket covering her skin. Mako flanked Rei. She lacked her usual smile but was somehow still reassuring; she would keep them from despair.

Whatever would happen later, in that moment Mina felt sure that they could keep making it through.

You know, I think one reason I’m uncomfortable with non-binary readings of Haruka is that it feels in part based in the idea of masculine androgyny and in presentation *being* gender. Obviously if non-binary people can see themselves in Haruka it’s great, but when other people do it it feels very… first-level understanding of the concept? Something like that.