22. things you said after it was over

After the first battle, I was ecstatic. “We won!” I yelled, leaping into your arms. All of us were weary and covered in battle dust, but you still smelled sweet beneath it all.

“Oh, my Pearl.” Your fingers stroked the back of my neck. “This is only the beginning.”

There wasn’t much to celebrate after that. The Homeworld gems kept coming, our friends kept shattering beyond even your ability to repair them. And you kept putting yourself in the middle of it, no matter what I said or did to try and keep you safe. You kept fighting and I kept seeing a thousand ways you could be hurt like Sapphire had lent me her Sight. All I could ever say after a battle was, “Please, next time, stay safe, stay away.”

Every time, you said, “I won’t hide from my own fight. I’ll be fine, sweet Pearl.”

I never believed you.

But then their ships cut through the sky like a thousand shooting stars, and the four of us left on the battlefield sank to our knees. “It’s done,” you said. “We can finally have peace.”

And I believed you. I believed you when you said it was going to be okay, that I was going to be okay. Everything we did was worth it, you said, we saved this planet and these people. We kept you safe, I never said. You already knew why I fought. I’d just curl into you chest and listen to whatever you thought would make me feel better. “I found moss today that bears the most beautiful flowers, my Pearl.” “Tomorrow, I want to take you to the beach. The waves are calming, when no one’s there. Maybe we could settle down by the sea side.” After a while, it did make me feel better. I felt whole, like I was never defective and never turned against my home.

But it wasn’t really over. They’re back now, Rose, it’s starting just like last time. And you aren’t here. We can win, we’ll do it for Steven. We won’t let Homeworld break him. But who’s going to be there for him after? For us, if we make it through? We only made it because of you, Rose.

I wish you could be here for him too.