yikeslexa:

Utena: Look. Look, you aren’t going to win this. Utena is plenty cute and awkward and naive, sure, but she’s also badass and stubborn. She’ll beat you out of pure spite. She’ll kick your ass and steal your girl. Don’t fight Utena.

Anthy: Are you fucking kidding me. If you still think that it’s possible to beat Anthy, then you haven’t been paying attention. You’ll think you’re winning the whole time, and then you’ll stop to gloat and realize that she’s been fucking stepping on you. There is nothing more dangerous than trying to fight Anthy.

Touga: This is a harder one, but go for it. Fight Touga. Tactically he’s skilled, but the pure rage he ignites in you should be plenty enough to kick this fucker back into his tragic backstory. Alternatively, of course you can fight Touga. He’s already fucking dead and you have already won.

Saonji: FIGHT SAONJI. Do it. There will be few things more satisfying than kicking in his whiny little face.

Juri: I mean, go for it, if you have a death wish. Juri’s unstoppable. Even Utena never actually beat her. You’ll be too distracted by her incredible beauty and wisdom to even begin to match her speed. She’s like, canonically the best at fighting. You can try to fight Juri, but Juri will kick your ass.

Nanami: I personally would never want to fight Nanami, but you do you, bro. You can win this one.

Miki: Go for it. Knock some sense into this boy. He’s like twelve and he’s an ultra Nerd. You will win.

Akio: You have a personal duty towards everyone you have ever loved to fight Akio, and though it is difficult, he can be beaten. Godspeed, my friend.

Wakaba: Why would you want to fight Wakaba?? what the Fuck. If you touch Wakaba I’ll hurt you.