I think, especially as she gets older, Rei talks a lot in her sleep. It’s rarely anything sensical, but sometimes when they’re together Minako will sit up and listen. It’s her secret little piece of Rei that she’ll never mention to anyone, not even Rei herself.
One of my aunts messaged me on fb out of the blue about how happy I’ve seemed in the past year or two and how she “didn’t see that much before” and it’s WEIRD because I’ve never really had anyone in my life, especially an adult, acknowledge I was fundamentally unhappy for so long? Like sometimes I don’t think I was, even though I know I was, especially as a teen, and I thought no one knew so it wasn’t quite real? Also she’s honest and perceptive so it’s weird to think she might know WHY, less the gay/butch stuff and more the parent stuff, we get along but we’re not close enough for that to not be uncomfortable
Ugh so much of my writing and fandom engagement was escapism/came from such a place of longing and I haven’t figured put how to re-orient myself to get back into it
Once again, I failed to join the party, but I DID start to work on a thing and I’m not sure if I ever finish it and I’m so angry at myself that I’ve made a stupid comic, pls enjoy
One of my favorite things is when I make eye contact with another masc presenting/gnc person and we have the moment of You!! Me too!! We have the thing in common!! :DDDDDDD
Oh man I feel you on the family thing. I love my mom but every time I see her I feel kinda weirdly uncomfortable? She also does the super feminizing thing. Anyway, glad it mostly well and that you’re back home safe =D
Thoughts/feelings/tidbits from my trip to Michigan
I WAS SO MANY PEOPLE’S FIRST BUTCH
The tattoo artist didn’t know what butch meant! He was like “yeah a name is p easy” bro… it’s not a name (I really liked him despite his lack of lesbian knowledge)
there was a guy who came in right after to get his first tattoo and he was nervous and asking about mine, if it hurt and stuff, and he just had no idea what it meant when he asked to see it
I also had a waitress be super fascinated and ask about my hair, I got so happy because she’d clearly never seen an undercut before and loved it
My niece (nearly five years old) is super cute and loves my fiancee. We are her favorite people now and i feel bad we were only there for two days
BUT ALSO I COULD NOT HAVE STAYED LONGER
I am DEEPLY uncomfortable there, and around my family
My dad and sister were good! But I feel weird!
There’s a dissonance, I think, because they still see me as like, who I was in high school
I am very different. Not just being gay and butch and stuff, but especially that
My dad did keep kind of feminizing me, which was disappointing
I mentioned the guy at work who looks like me and he was like “I can’t imagine a man ever looking like you”
I did not mention how much I get gendered male by strangers BUT REALLY LOOK AT ME DAD
I do not think even my butch tattoo has made him really process it
the visit with my mom was SUPER awkward
it was my first time seeing her since like, admitting and coming to terms with the fact that a lot of things weren’t/aren’t okay and my relationship with her isn’t good
she didn’t do anything bad besides another rant about my hair and her hair
but I am super relieved that my fiancee doesn’t like her
I was very afraid she would and it would be like, why don’t I like her she’s fine she’s great
but it wasn’t!!! and intellectually I know that even if my mom had seemed great my fiancee would have taken my word and my side, but still
but anyways being there in general put me so on edge because I don’t fit there at all
also like, the longer I spend away from my family the better my mental health, they’re not really bad people but they’re bad for me
like wowee being in my childhood home was actually kind of almost triggering because because christ I’m in such a better place and I don’t want to slip back to how I was
my fiancee commented on how much more relaxed i got even just when we got in the airport
ALSO I’M JUST SUCH A CITY GIRL HOLY FUCK HOW DID I EVER LIVE IN SUCH A TINY TOWN
lol my fiancee hadn’t expected it to be so rural. I’m from the middle of nowhere.
my car is sadly missing some breaks right now so I didn’t get to drive her
though driving wasn’t as fun as it used to be, though that might just be that i can’t relax around there anymore.
SittingOverHereDreaming 