I want to compare these moments, because they’re so similar and their
differences are SO INTERESTING.

The first cap, from this episode, Haruka is shocked a relative stranger
would save her. She has a connection to Michiru, and she might have an inkling
Michiru likes her, but Michiru has done what she can to convince her that those
things don’t matter, she’s ruthless in pursuit of her goal (and “stopping the
oncoming silence” is nebulous enough that Haruka may not know how anything fits
into that). While Haruka doesn’t feel like she’s worth saving, she’s having a
million thoughts and has no particular reason to think this is about her. This
is her seeing Michiru’s humanity, rather than all the fronts Michiru has put
on.

But with the second cap, in 110, Haruka can’t feel it’s not about her. She
and Michiru have spent all this time—years, if we accept the timeline presented
at face value—dancing around their feelings. Michiru confesses her feelings in
this episode, but then all she can to downplay them, to make sure they don’t
influence Haruka’s resolve, to make sure under no circumstances does Haruka get
hurt because of her feelings. And Haruka, Haruka hates herself enough to
believe that Michiru liking her was a mistake, that every moment where those
feelings came through again was a fluke, that she’s doing right by Michiru to
squash down all she feels. (There are moments she can’t, moments where they’re
all each other have and the tenderness sneaks out, quiet nights spent collapsed
into one another, simple car rides where their hands touch on the console and they
don’t pull away, stormy afternoons when under the cover of dark clouds they let
themselves fumble towards ordinary teenage expressions of love, but each and
every one is followed by coldness, a reassertion of what they must do for the
mission.)

And in the moment Michiru saves her, Haruka knows she has failed, knows that
from that first day in the garage she should have been honest, should have made
sure Michiru was never in danger for her sake again, should have looked outward
instead of inward for the truth.

In this episode, Haruka’s been stubborn, and perhaps a bit stupid, but shock
outweighs guilt. In 110, she knows she’s done everything wrong.