I need like, a pamphlet to hand out to new roommates I don’t know well. A primer on Sam, if you will.

Points to cover:

• I’m a lesbian
• I like girls
• I date women
• I am a woman who is attracted to other women
• I did not see your text about moving in right away because a girl was holding my hand and I was feeling extra gay
• I’m really gay
• S U P E R  S A P H I C  L E S B I A N
• I have anxiety about leaving my iron on and will probably ask you to check I’ve turned it off sometimes