Angstober Day 3- “It hurts”

This one is short, ~400 words, but I’m sticking it under a cut because writing it fucked up my day.

“It hurts.”

Michiru cradled Himeka’s little body in her arms. “I know, I’m sorry.”

She looked up with her big brown eyes. Her whole face was wet with tears. “Make it stop.”

Would that I could. Michiru pressed her face into Himeka’s hair. “I can’t, bear. I can’t fix this.”

Himeka was silent for a long moment. “Papa could fix anything with her tools,” she said slowly. It wasn’t meant to be an accusation, but Michiru felt its sting.

“She could.” She swallowed hard. “And the doctors tried hard with their tools, they really did.”

“But they’re not Papa,” Himeka said with finality, as though if Haruka had only operated on herself with a wrench, she’d be here. Michiru but the inside of her cheek. She promised herself Himeka wouldn’t see her cry. It was bad enough that she had to cry herself, she’d didn’t need the muck of Michiru’s feelings.  

“Mama?”

“Yes, bear?”

“I’m going to make this better.” Himeka wriggled off her lap and ran into the hall. Michiru couldn’t tell her to walk. Haruka had always ran, always said Himeka had to run in the house if she was going to race like Papa one day.

Himeka came back with a small box in hand. She climbed onto the bed next to Michiru and pulled out a bandaid. Little stars dotted it, for Papa’s little star.

With clumsy fingers, she stuck it on her shirt, on the left side of her chest. No, Michiru realized—over her heart. She put a second on Michiru in the same place. A pat with her chubby hand, and then a quick kiss. Just like Haruka always did when she scrapped her knee.

“There. We’re gonna be okay.” She sat and swung her legs back and forth. “It just might take some time.”

Michiru took a deep breath. “You sound just like your Papa. She’d be proud.”

Himeka leaned into her. “I still love her a lot.”

“You always will.” She rubbed her back. “I always will, too.”

Himeka dozed off slowly, spurts of hiccupping herself back awake until she finally gave way to a tiny snore. Michiru tucked her into the covers. She laid next to her instead of going to her own bed across the hall. Quietly as she could, she let herself cry into the pillow until she fell asleep.